Posted by medlib on April 23, 2002, at 14:31:17
In reply to Medlib - what was your Geodon miracle/disaster?, posted by Chris A. on April 20, 2002, at 15:35:49
Hi Chris--
It's great to see you back! Thanks for asking about my Geodon saga. I've had double depression since my early teens, and Geodon is the only med in all that time which produced "Normal" for me. I felt just like Rip van Winkle waking up; this wasn't just another version of "better," it was qualitatively different. I didn't feel happier, just finally in focus.
I should have remembered that "when things seem too good to be true, they usually are." On day 17 my jaw muscles began to tighten; by day 19, the only way I could open my mouth was manually. Since I had never gone beyond the lowest dose (20mg. 2x/day), I opened the capsules to begin titrating down. That first night I ended up in the ER (felt like I was suffocating) with what I now know was a panic attack, presenting as "false suffocation syndrome." I'd never had acute anxiety or panic attacks in my life. I *have* had anaphylactic reactions, and that's what these felt like--terrifying. From what I read, panic attacks typically are brief, a few minutes at most; these lasted 45 min.-an hour and occurred every 12 hours like clockwork for the next 10 days. Taking the smallest amount of Geodon aborted the P.A.s but returned the EPS.
I was devastated to see my window to the real world close so quickly; such a brief glimpse seemed like a cruel joke. I went into deep mourning; it felt like (and still does) I had died, leaving behind this useless, spiritless husk. Sorry to sound so melodramatic; I hadn't experienced emotions that intense in decades. My pdoc's reaction? "At least we know the wiring is still there." It was a reasonable response (a stroke many years ago wiped out a sizeable chunk of my right parietal lobe), but I thought it lacked a certain empathy.
Anyway, I'm back to the interminable musical meds, looking for a better "better." How about you? Where did you go post-Geodon and what are you on now? Anything "better" to report?---medlib
poster:medlib
thread:55
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/2000/20020416/msgs/110.html