Posted by tony on November 9, 1999, at 21:26:47
I would like to hear some real stories about drug abuse and depression from people who have actually abused drugs and also suffered from depression.
I have suffered from dysthymia, with bouts of severe depression, for 16 or 17 years. I am now 28.
I have abused marijuana for almost 11 years. It was off and on, depending on life responsibilities such as college, during the first few years. For the past 7 years, I have smoked every day, with the exception of maybe 20 or 30 days altogether. I have never been one to smoke myself into oblivion -- I am a chronic user but not a "binge smoker."
My last couple of years of college I smoked all day - before work, before class, before dates, with dates, before visiting family, etc. Since graduating and getting a "real job," I have never smoked until I am at home or with fellow smokers and have no responsibilities. I have never been in trouble with the law. I have a respectable job in the deep south, one that requires me to deal with many people in the community (police, clergy, government, society, middle class, poor, professional, lay), and I have never had any professional problem as a result of smoking.When I finished college and started the real job, I quickly ran into this new emotion - hopelessness. I've always been down, discouraged. I've always lacked self esteem. But I used to have dreams and some sense of hope that I could realize them. I don't anymore, and that sucks.
But if I drink enough it doesn't suck so bad. I never really liked alcohol until I was 26. I would rarely drink at all, and when I did it was never more than a beer or two. During the past couple of years, I have become a heavy drinker. I now average close to a six-pack of beer a night.
I started drinking heavily because of the hopelessness. In some ways things seem better because - go figure! - I can numb myself with alcohol when I'm finished numbing myself with work. But alcohol's numbness has its costs - deeper depression, weight gain, hangovers, a frequent case of the stupids. And I'm sure the drinking makes the hopelessness worse in the long run. But the hopelessness came first.
And the weird part - the hopelessness and the drinking got much worse when I quit smoking cigarettes a year ago. (I started smoking cigarettes when I was 12, hit a pack a day by age 20, hit two packs a day by age 25).
I just started experimenting with ADs about six months ago. I had one work well, but after a couple of months it caused a severe allergic reaction. I tried another and it didn't work at all, and I just started something new.
I believe my drug abuse has always been a form of self-medication - I have treated my depression the best I could. And I must say, after my trials with ADs, and after reading many many many threads here, the side effects and downsides of my drug abuse seem to be no worse than the baggage that comes with therapy and AD treatment.
Can anyone share his or her PERSONAL experience with the relationship between substance abuse and depression?
poster:tony
thread:14907
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991108/msgs/14907.html