Posted by dj on October 9, 1999, at 3:55:21
In reply to depression, posted by Janice on October 8, 1999, at 21:23:42
Hii Janice!
My depression stems from natural and learned temperment, defective genes and some shitty cicumstances along the way which helped push me over the edge, or did I jump, in a twisted bit of conscious and uncounsious self-sabatoge -- yes, at times.. I believe we all have the predisposition toward depression and many other dis-eases which we express as a result of cicumstance(s) which push us toward the edge and beyond of our resilience, sometimes. And like a stretched rubber band, over time the resilience slackens and sometimes breaks completely
Some familial disposition and temprement but out of 9 sibs. only one other has an recurrence of major depression to my knowledge. No doubt I get some of my melancholy from my late father who brooded some and certainly was a perfecionist on some fronts -- perfectionism being a good precursor for depression.
My mother had a rough time at times with all those kids and continues to fret about each and every one, though some more than others because we give her more to fret about... Both were very supportive in their own ways but there was emotional and geographic distance which grew from the teens on.
So, a combo of nature and nurture. If you haven't read *The Beast - A Journey through Depression* by Washington Post reporter, Tracy Thompson it's a good primer on one person's journey and also describes some of the learned element which Richard O'Connor focuses on in *Undoing Depression* In hindsight I can see my blind spots where I've verbally struck out from a sense of grandiosity, arrogance, entitlement, rage and/ or anxiety/fear and burned some bridges with myself still on them.
All in all my judgement has not and is not always what it could be because of those elements and my exoeriences learned responses and resistances. For instance the choice of studying computer networks was a very foolish one on my behalf because my memory is not great for that sort of arcane, abstract, propeller-head, detailed technical trivia. However, a lot of $ has gone down the drain and a lot of time passed so I'm back for now. Remains to be seen if I am just pissing in the wind or not. I could go on but I won't.
Have a GREAT time in Hawaii!!
poster:dj
thread:12504
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19991001/msgs/12878.html