Posted by Racer on July 3, 1999, at 12:12:48
Hi everyone, and thanks for your support.
I made it through the night. It was hard, and I did call my ex-boyfriend to take me to the hospital, but when he got here, I was too sick to get into a car. I'd thrown up a few times, just from crying all day long, and the hospital was too far away to get me there without breaking my head. But on the plus side, I was too worn out to cry anymore, and he slept in my bed and I slept on the sofa.
This morning, I'm a little calmer. Maybe just too tired to get that upset again.
Finding out that the clinic had put my request for a transfer on hold, and wouldn't tell me why, was just overwhelming. I already feel as though they're stealing my time, since I know that I'm not resistant to medication from prior experiences. It shouldn't take a year, and they don't seem to care. And then the fact that I was pretty honest about feeling suicidal, and having no one take that seriously, kinda made me feel as though they were saying, tacitly, that I didn't matter, really. It's frustrating, and makes me feel so impotent, to have a group of strangers making a decision so vital to my life wihtout any input from me. They have told me that there's nothing I can do, and I had my new therapist call too. (Yes, I'm not just relying on you folks. In a county where the official channels can't find you anyone to see for less than $35 a session, I opened the telephone book and started calling around until I found one who will see me for $20. I'm glad I had that energy that day.) The therapist called, and they wouldn't tell her what the hold up was, just that when a decision was made, they'd call me, and that I could go into the hospital if I got worse. Since the hospital has told me that they really and truly will not adjust medication for an inpatient, I don't really want to be there, but for the next couple of days, my ex-boyfriend is on standby to take me if I need to go.
This is long and rambling, so thanks for putting up with it. While it's good to have the therapist and I'm sometimes hopeful of finding a doctor who actually earned that degree, it's also better than great to have all of you. It's really hard for me to talk in person, face to face, and often even on the telephone. In writing, I can express myself much better, so you get to hear things that the people seeing my face often just can't hear. Thank you for being here.
Thank you for putting up with me and my problems, and thanks to Dr Bob for having this forum available.
poster:Racer
thread:8196
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990628/msgs/8196.html