Posted by Lost Lonely Soul at Wit's End on May 18, 1999, at 20:53:24
My second try here.
I have cried out for help so many times--but my calls in the 1970s were in the form of slitting my wrists, overdosing on street drug, PCP (resulted in 2-wk coma), overdosing on valium (stomach pumped). These desperate, immature, cries for help brought a whole new set of problems. Parents sent me away to private psychiatric hospital where I was given many different types of anti-depressants as well as electro-shock therapy. After the second stay there, I knew that I could never tell anyone about my depressive thoughts, i.e., suicidal thoughts because I might be "locked up" again. It is possible that I had a drug-induced psychosis due to taking amphetamines.Well, here I am again, needing help. I will try this forum because I know that there are many well educated, dedicated people who care and will provide accurate information.
Can't tell you whether I am manic-depressive or Borderline Personality Disorder, but whatever the label, I am in trouble! I self-medicate.
I take (by chewing) up to 2 1/2 tablets of Allegra D/day, or whatever other drug that I can get that has some form of ephedra in it. If I do not take this, I am like a zombie--no energy, no initiative. But by the end of the day, I am now up to 4 mg. of lorazepam to just take the edge off and be able to eat and sleep. I have been taking these type drugs for the past five years.
I am losing control, again. I have been advised to not abruptly stop the lorazepam because I might have seizures. My doctor gave me a prescription for 5 mg valium to take in place of the lorazepam, but the valium made me nervous?!
How can I get clean? I cannot go for inpatient treatment, and I am responsible for the fulltime care of my brain damaged parent. I believe that I am slowing breaking down due to meds., emotional and physical strain.
I am afraid. Will someone try to help me through this crisis? God, I honestly want to be clean of these meds/crutches.
poster:Lost Lonely Soul at Wit's End
thread:6233
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990501/msgs/6233.html