Posted by DL on December 29, 1998, at 22:18:00
In reply to Re: EMDR?????, posted by Toby on December 28, 1998, at 10:04:11
> Would have answered sooner, but couldn't get the computer to post for me; my server was always busy, probably because of the holidays.
I also had trouble with the site. I assumed you would be away for the holidays but was surprised at how disappointed I was yesterday when I couldn't get through to the site...You have offered me something that has been missing in my life and I cherish it in the same way I do the sleep I now enjoy. When someone comes near to the empty and anguished part of me (that I hide well) I so much want to connect but at the same time I feel guilty? unworthy? afraid?--like magnets pulling to opposites. ...Like the little girl I was once--wandering lost in a giant woods. When a hand finally does reach out she is afraid to take it. I feel that you have offered a hand to guide me through some of the rough spots.--And that there is someone who respects the silent fighter in me--someone who is totally non-judgemental and always comes back for me....Thank you.....
In my work the pain from my past has sometimes become an asset. When a mom tells me she has not slept well for days and doesn't know what to do, I REALLY DO UNDERSTAND. When a child is fearful all the time, I understand how it feels inside, and I accept that no explanations are needed. I know how it feels to have to be protected by steel walls for defense. And I sense the unwritten and unsaid in a home.
> It's hard to tell what he's thinking; maybe just covering his bases, doesn't want to guarantee EMDR if you get to his office and he feels it isn't right for you....., but you would be using it for very specific traumas:Since Jan 1 is ina few days and everyone is on vacation I will need to call the new insurance co and figure out the process to go through to have mental health visits covered. Then I will probably switch to someone new if they will cover it. I have an appt with the MD on Jan 7 for a medication check. Hopefully the new co. will cover it. They may want me to switch from the Remeron to something else since they don't "prefer" it. But I am absolutely terrified that if the sleep problems come back they will never go away. Also my anxiety level has been drastically reduced.
> We already know you are a strong person
Thank you.........Thank you. Why does this bring tears to my eyes? I do not cry in the car anymore but there are still times when I just feel empty, buried, lost, and rain silent tears. However these times are much less often.
> these few bad apples just need to get tossed out
Yes, I guess I want to look at the bad apples but I just need someone to give me a push and then be there to hold my hand.
QUESTION; The appetite and weight gain thing is terrible. I feel hungry all the time even when I'm full--I have not had to deal with this before. I now empathize with people who have had weight problems! I hate myself for gaining but can't seem to stop it. Will increasing the Remeron help? Should I dare to try combining another AD (after my previous experiences?) Here I am in the same place again--I am afraid to stop the Remeron but also afraid of what it is doing to me!
COMMENT: On Christmas Eve I went to a Unitarian-Universalist Chruch alone. I haven't been to church in many years. It's a chruch that accepts teachings from all different religions and most parts of the service were done by children and family members. It was a beautiful church. I was drawn to go and be part of it, but that old feeling of being sad and tearful came back. It's a sort of inner ache. I don't know why it's there.
poster:DL
thread:1428
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19981201/msgs/1859.html