Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1112958

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beware of spies

Posted by rjlockhart37 on December 14, 2020, at 21:17:27

i was going through my work that i've been working on, not really work but i've been studying books about this time period and end times, and all of sudden mysteriously, the papers disappeared, the spiral notebooks were torn out, everything but a few things. And 2nd i have a bad memory, even books were missing. So that taught me, 'trust no one' with living with this person. Someone else that has been collecting my pens, and going through my papers and taking anything they want. This is a post i found on the internet about spies

and yes it is true. This is the internet but i've had such a privacy violation i might as well just post everything i know on the net. (Talking about things i've learned, just through books and study) maybe it would help someone i don't know. Faith board is one place, learning that my documents (there not actual documents) but my own research collection was ripped out and taken.

Don't always trust a smile and politness, goodness you trust someone and then suddently you realize there not your friend.


Re: beware of spies

Posted by rjlockhart37 on December 14, 2020, at 21:27:32

In reply to beware of spies, posted by rjlockhart37 on December 14, 2020, at 21:17:27

'living with this person' statement - reverse that, It's just you trust someone and then they just behind your back and take all this info or peronal belongings and steal it.
First time, realized don't always trust politeness, and a warm smile, could be like a serpant behind it. I regret posting this, but hey a quick idea that was the moment at least could get out instead of being bottle capped in


Re: beware of spies

Posted by rjlockhart37 on December 14, 2020, at 22:39:27

In reply to Re: beware of spies, posted by rjlockhart37 on December 14, 2020, at 21:27:32

i had vent this....


Re: beware of spies

Posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 22:52:06

In reply to beware of spies, posted by rjlockhart37 on December 14, 2020, at 21:17:27

i get upset, periodically, about people stealing my socks. or, more in particular, stealing one sock. i mean, who would want to steal one of my socks? it's no good to them!

and then i find it, usually plastered against the side of the washer.

in fact... if i'm honest about it. every single time. every single time in known history i've found the sock right where i've left it plastered against the inside of the washer.

but my natural reaction / response is 'who the f*ck would steal one of my socks!!!!!!!'

i'm clearly not theory of mind deficient lols. i sees intentionality... oh yes, i do...

it's hard to know about spies.

it's hard to know what spies might be up to.

i am fond of i think it was nitzche who said 'god is dead'. and then there was this real fear that without believing in god the people would have no reason to be moral. there was this idea that people needed to believe that god was watching them and might punish them otherwise they wouldn't behave honestly or well or with any integrity at all.

and then i think that that actually turns out to be true, for really rather a lot of people. and we have increasingly become all 'big brother' like in the sense of security cameras everywhere and our phones and televisions and computers constantly watching us. keeping records or logs of everything that we do. spying, if you will.

and i think:

what was the point or the purpose or the function of God. or spies or big brother?

and i think... because without these things the people would beat each other up and steal each others stuff and all the crimes and so on.. people would do these things if they werent' on camera.

but increasingly people seem to be believing that they are required to commit atrocities on camera. for the camera. they are required to have blank unthinking staring faces in seminars while mighty world leaders with scholarships talk to the audience about all the human rights violations and crimes tehy commit.

the spies are picking out and picking off whats left that's good or genuine or hopeful or optimistic or true or...

the spies are dementors...


things are coming to a head, rather.


these are trying times.

whose spying?
what side are you on?
what is the cost of being wrong?


Re: beware of spies

Posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 23:02:49

In reply to Re: beware of spies, posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 22:52:06

i mean the nazi soldiers... once they murdered a few... once they were conned or tricked into it. once they'd done it a time or two... they are now pretty psychologically invested in that being okay. and what makes it okay? what makes it okay (to them, to their mind) is getting other people to do what they did.

like how my mother wanted me to carry her shame for her. there's an element or aspect of that...

so this kid can't or doesn't find a scholarship or whatever makes it feasible for them to write a thesis / do a graduate research degree. but then this person says 'sure i'll supervise you'. maybe they even say that they can scrape up some funding for them. and then the supervisory person requires them to commit some kind of atrocity (ethical violation, good practice statistical violation, plagarism, whatever).... basically forces them to do that otherwise isn't going to sign them off.

then, once teh student has committed a crime of some sort. paying a bribe or whatever... success!! the student is just like the supervisor. who only got their degree because of what they agreed to do... and so on... and so on, i suppose.

and they do want the people to go away rather than doing graduate research degrees. i get that. because they have the jobs and the money and the titles and they don't want to produce anybody who might possibly replace them. and often they know they themselves are crap. often hired only because they will not sign anybody off unless they agree to committ atrocities too...

and the universities set about hiring them... and signing off on those ones (only) and so on... race to the bottom...


why can't they just get out the way, then, and let the self-motivated studnets get their work done and sign them off, then.

why can't they?

it's psychological.


nasty miserly... psychopathic.

i'm sorry they didn't get the help they needed.

i'm even sorrier that they refuse to allow the things to develop that would result in... help for them or people like them.

they insist on ruling with their iron fists.

they insist on refusing to allow the people to develop.

and i guess people just watch from overseas. watch them documenting their crimes.

i wonder when we get back to the bombs... back to the destruction of christchurch.

it's world war three out there, rj.

things are unravelling...


Re: beware of spies

Posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 23:23:34

In reply to Re: beware of spies, posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 23:02:49

sometimes i worry about 'spies'. because i see the... cognitions... shall we say... i see the 'cognitions' of the people who are supposedly the upstanding and honest ones with power. the ones who are responsible for making sensible decisions. about medical admissions and the like. the ones who are sensible to see that the calculus question picture completions of the australian test arent' really fair when you don' tmake it common knowledge that there will be vector sum questions in the picture completion section and that people should study up on tha tcontent if they want to do well int eh picture completion section....

and so the australian examination (it's hard to know what the aussies want you to say about ethics when you hear what their leader has to say about involutnary detention and global warming and coal and so on...) is replaced by the english one. and apparently the ethics section is better now... because ethics is something that we value...

we aren't screening OUT people with a moral sense... we aren't ONLY ALLOWING IN those who go 'mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm crispy fried tree elf is sooooooooooooooooo morally greyyyyyyyyyy 2+2=5 and I sooooooooooo want to heeeeeeeeeeeeelp people other than myself'...

i'm supposed to believe that there's genuine. good. kind. smart. people making good decisions for the right reasons.

only there's something a bit... stiff? conservative? it's hard to say quite what...

such that if they spied on me they would disapprove.

and i think: what is it that they value?

are they checking to see that prospective medical students are into snuff videos? is that what they want to see? lots of gang rape porn? a little 'how to sell methamphetamine' on the side? 'how to cheat examinations' reading material... what do they want to see? what are they spying for?

we get messages that they actively and actually value things like that. they want to see people being 'morally ambiguous' (otherwise the person is 'undesirably political' or 'undesirably opinionated' or whatever).

what do we believe?
what do we believe?

what do they want to see?

oh pick me! pick me! pick me!

every indication that i can see says they will only pick me if i agree to bribe and to turn a blind eye to beheadings. if i agree to write, with the whole class, how we all were required to participate in unauthorised cervical examinations on women who had not consented. all of these things are what they require of me. for them to pick me and pass me and for me to be a medical doctor in new zealand.

and so...

if i am right... then i can't be a medical doctor in new zealand because we don't have any such thing. we have torturers and rapists and so on. i don't see medical doctors in that situation -- do you? i don't.

on the other hand... if i'm wrong... then many or most or all aspects of the above are some elaborate screening programme or whatever to identify the 'morally ambiguous' (mmmm crispy fried tree elf genocide smells like morally grey to me) so they can be tagged and id's as such. so that... well... we can insure. ensure. make sure. that these people are not allowed any where near good people. any where near good hospitals. acredited ones. etc. maybe it's just an elaborate hoax or set up to see how morally depraved they are / how widespread it is.

and now...

suppose it's murderers and rapists all the way up... there's nothing for me to be gained by my engaging in their kinds of activity or violations. because i don't find that kind of expression of power to be intrinsically rewarding or motivating. and i don't find the approval of people who engage in or enjoy those kinds of things to be something that i value. i simply have a moral sense, in other words. i care more about myself... self respect. than their opinion if that is what they are and how they choose to be.

well... call me autistic. or whatever...

but i don't care what murderers and rapists and the like think of me. i just don't. i have no desire to earn or achieve their approval. i don't care how many names or titles or whatever they have. how mjuch money. don't care.


what is the intent of the people spying on me?

if they see my posts on babble, let's say...

what do they say about me?

they say i'm a genuinely, reliably, persistently, good person in manhy respects that matter really rather a lot. that i have a good sight on equity indeed. that i have self esteem adn self identity to hte point where i'm not easily swayed into committiting atrocities. i don't succumb to bullying.

that means i'm actually pretty trustworthy. i don' tneed to be in an environment where i'm on camera 24/7. i can be trusted off camera. i do right because I'm watching me. i do right because i'm accountable to me. i have higher standards for me than most other people do in the world right now. anyone with any value that i value would see those kinds of things in me.

if people choose to matyr me... that's their decision. i have not made myself into a matyr. i have not asked to be nailed to a cross. ihave not asked to be excluded. i have not asked for my work to be systematically passed over. i have not asked for any of the abuses i have suffered.

i have harmed others through ignorance. i am surely not blameless. i have particularly hurt good and decent people who genuinely cared for me. some of my early relationships. i did not see how much i was hurting them at the time. because of my hurt. it blinded me. but i see the hurt now. and i don't hurt people like that anymore. i don't do relationships any more. problem solved.

unless people just keep on keeping on trying ot force me... to go beyond or above or over things that i need. i say what i need. i kno wwhat i need. people need to listen to me.

i took things through appropriate channels. and NONE of the people at any point did any of the things they were supposed to do.



zip. zilch. zero.

cry cry cry for medical supplied new zealand. countries won't give us the ingredients to make hand sanitiser soon... not like we used it anyway...



Re: beware of spies

Posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 23:32:17

In reply to Re: beware of spies, posted by alexandra_k on December 25, 2020, at 23:23:34

and they go 'she thinks we are murderers and rapists so we don't value her'

what am in supposed to think of the fact that those pictures were up at the end of the stairwell for years and years and years. the pictures of the guys checking the girls posture and then beheading her.

what am i supposed to think of the fact that that is displayed there and nobody thought that was inappropriate? what am i supposed to think of that. what is anybody supposed to think of that.

of the 'blades' sculpture. the sort of spiral staircase of.. blades. i guess.

the various other 'torture devices' scattered or strewn around the building in the name of 'art'. the metal boards with chains on them so you could tie a body to them.

none of the stuff had an artists name or a plaque or anything to explain what it was about.

it was just strewn about the place. in a disgusting expression of unbridled power.

what is anybody supposed to think of that?

tell me little birdie spies...
tell me do...

i feel the screaming of dementors and feel concerned about the qualities the people who select the 'art' may be selecting for in medical studnets.

it's not irrational or crazy at all.

it demonstrates maturity in seeing how i feel and understanding why i feel the way i do.


for sure.

it's psychological.

for sure.

and the problem isn't me.

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