Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 9730

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Re: rapid cycling and mind noise

Posted by Barbara Cat on July 4, 2003, at 11:32:28

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by jaye on July 3, 2003, at 19:49:09

All this is fascinating. I've heard incredible celestial music like I was wearing head phones. I've had a woman in my left ear and a man in my right keeping up a constant patter to each other, and to me. Sometimes almost indistinct but other times as clear as a bell. They were very friendly and I enjoyed their company. They would sometimes tell me things that were going to happen, and they did, but mostly it was just a pleasant conversation about this and that. Some might dismiss it with 'Oh yeah, a schizoid moment', but there's more to it than that. It was all very coherant.

There were other times when I felt someone in back of me, to the right, whispering my name. Sometimes I could feel his breath on my neck. This was not a nice visitation. It scared the living daylights out of me. There was also other paranormal stuff happening that I can't explain. I was going through a very discordant agitated state and like poltergeist phenomena, I believe that my intense electric field was projecting and attracting very weird energies.

Someone also mentioned intrusive looping thoughts of a car accident. This sounds alot like PTSD. It's classic, in fact, and referred to as PTSD flashbacks, where the violent scene keeps looping through your head or unexpectantly intruding. It wants to be resolved. I went through a series of EMDR sessions which really helped clean out some (not all) of the violence I was reliving over and over from my childhood abuse. That stuff doesn't usually come up until something in you is ready to deal with it. - Barbara

 

mind noise - any head traumas?

Posted by Barbara Cat on July 4, 2003, at 11:45:45

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise Ritch, posted by cleo on July 3, 2003, at 19:21:20

For anyone who has had this mind noise stuff, did you have a head injury before it started? Maybe fell on your head as a child, or hit hard on the face or head? A woman I know is a very powerful psychic, used by the police and the FBI. She said her psychic abilities started in her 30s when she fell off a horse and sustained head injuries and concussion. They started with voices in her head and progressed to the point where she decided to go through formal training to channel these strange occurances. This head scrambling has been documented in many other psychic's lives - not only head injuries, but a massive scrambling of brain functions accompanied by chaotic mood disorders. When it reordered itself, they had a new sensitivity, able to pick up 'other channels' on their neural TV set. There's even some very interesting research done on this by a physicist, last name Prigogine, on chaos and new level of reordering. Something to think about.

 

Kids!!!

Posted by alylene on July 5, 2003, at 23:06:46

In reply to Re: Cyclothymia mood stabilizers Jaye, posted by SeaShell on April 28, 2003, at 9:13:03

I am just wondering if anyone has little kids? I was not diagnosed until the birth of my second child, just over two years ago, and the stress of child rearing has nearly killed me. All the books say, change your lifestyle, switch jobs if you need to...whatever it takes to cut down on the stress that can trigger you episodes. Well, obviously, I can't cut out my kids, but that is without a doubt, the biggest stress in my life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids....but motherhood is another story.
Any words of wisdom or encouragement would help. I know it will get easier, but I have a four year old and a two year old. I can't work full time, so full time day care is out of the question. I do have them in a two day a week pre-school (which is out for the summer). And, I have a wonderful husband who helps a lot...but with my head issues, it is never enough.

Help!!!

 

Re: mind noise - any head traumas? Barbara Cat

Posted by KimberlyDi on July 7, 2003, at 9:21:12

In reply to mind noise - any head traumas?, posted by Barbara Cat on July 4, 2003, at 11:45:45

When I was a little girl I was bounced on the bed by my dad. He would flip me over and let me fall on the bed. Only one time, I bounced across the bed and landed on my head on the floor. I was also bucked off a horse during my childhood and lost consciousness. Came to with the horse pawing me gently and nuzzling me with his nose. I must have been out for awhile for him to get curious about why I wasn't moving. I don't get psychic impressions from objects or know where dead bodies are buried. I'm just very intuitive and have strong pattern recognition. I can usually tell when someone's lying because I have this mental radar. It *pings* back to me when something is off or just doesn't make sense.
Kim
Wires crossed because of head injury or just plain crazy? Who knows.

> For anyone who has had this mind noise stuff, did you have a head injury before it started? Maybe fell on your head as a child, or hit hard on the face or head? A woman I know is a very powerful psychic, used by the police and the FBI. She said her psychic abilities started in her 30s when she fell off a horse and sustained head injuries and concussion. They started with voices in her head and progressed to the point where she decided to go through formal training to channel these strange occurances. This head scrambling has been documented in many other psychic's lives - not only head injuries, but a massive scrambling of brain functions accompanied by chaotic mood disorders. When it reordered itself, they had a new sensitivity, able to pick up 'other channels' on their neural TV set. There's even some very interesting research done on this by a physicist, last name Prigogine, on chaos and new level of reordering. Something to think about.

 

Re: Kids!!! alylene

Posted by KimberlyDi on July 7, 2003, at 9:32:05

In reply to Kids!!!, posted by alylene on July 5, 2003, at 23:06:46

Be a tag team with your husband. Switch off and on with some child-raising responsibilities. Make sure you know that you have some free time, quiet time or fun time, for you to look forward too when you are getting stressed. Then make sure you make time for just you and your husband. Even if it means getting a babysitter once a month to enable you & hubby to go on a date, together! Get a therapist to talk to about homelife stress. Little things will begin to add up to make a more enjoyable life.
Good luck!
Kim
p.s. ooops, no meds in this discussion, am i going to get my first redirect?

> I am just wondering if anyone has little kids? I was not diagnosed until the birth of my second child, just over two years ago, and the stress of child rearing has nearly killed me. All the books say, change your lifestyle, switch jobs if you need to...whatever it takes to cut down on the stress that can trigger you episodes. Well, obviously, I can't cut out my kids, but that is without a doubt, the biggest stress in my life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids....but motherhood is another story.
> Any words of wisdom or encouragement would help. I know it will get easier, but I have a four year old and a two year old. I can't work full time, so full time day care is out of the question. I do have them in a two day a week pre-school (which is out for the summer). And, I have a wonderful husband who helps a lot...but with my head issues, it is never enough.
>
> Help!!!
>

 

Re: mind noise - any head traumas? KimberlyDi

Posted by Barbara Cat on July 7, 2003, at 11:56:08

In reply to Re: mind noise - any head traumas? Barbara Cat, posted by KimberlyDi on July 7, 2003, at 9:21:12


> Wires crossed because of head injury or just plain crazy? Who knows.
>
No, no, not crazy. Ultra sensitives have a hard time dealing with life because of being so attuned and vulnerable to everything. It's wearing, heartbreaking, circuits get blown out and then stressed-out biochemistry takes over. Also, having a strong bullsh*t meter doesn't win any points when no one else seems to notice and you can't just sit there, smile, and say nothing.

I'd like to think that meds give us a break from the twanging antennas so that we can (hopefully) learn to tune out the static and use this sensitivity skilfully. As you said, doesn't have to be psychic at all, but very strong intuition has got to be a gift - why not? Anyway, that's my opinion.

 

Re: mind noise - any head traumas?

Posted by KimberlyDi on July 8, 2003, at 8:10:45

In reply to Re: mind noise - any head traumas? KimberlyDi, posted by Barbara Cat on July 7, 2003, at 11:56:08

>
> > Wires crossed because of head injury or just plain crazy? Who knows.
> >
> No, no, not crazy. Ultra sensitives have a hard time dealing with life because of being so attuned and vulnerable to everything. It's wearing, heartbreaking, circuits get blown out and then stressed-out biochemistry takes over. Also, having a strong bullsh*t meter doesn't win any points when no one else seems to notice and you can't just sit there, smile, and say nothing.
>
> I'd like to think that meds give us a break from the twanging antennas so that we can (hopefully) learn to tune out the static and use this sensitivity skilfully. As you said, doesn't have to be psychic at all, but very strong intuition has got to be a gift - why not? Anyway, that's my opinion.
>

Hey, I like your opinion. I've known for a LONG time that I was different from other people in many ways. *twanging antennas* <~ i like that. :)
Kim

 

Re: Lamictal

Posted by Jennifer N. on July 9, 2003, at 14:16:06

In reply to Re: Cyclothymia and Lamictal, posted by Psydoc on April 22, 2002, at 4:37:03

I have been taking Lamictal for 3 weeks. I have BD with major depressive disorder. My psychiatrist started me out at 25mg/day, increasing by 25mg/week until reaching 100mg/day. When I began Lamictal, I was on 200mg/day of Tegretol, and have been decreasing by 100mg/week until I reach zero. Today is my last dose of the Tegretol. I want to know how long the Lamictal should take to kick in. I am having increased manic and "racing thought" episodes. My doctor also gave me Seroquel, which has only helped some. Will I notice more of a difference after the Tegretol has been discontinued?

 

Re: Lamictal Jennifer N.

Posted by Barbara Cat on July 10, 2003, at 1:08:15

In reply to Re: Lamictal, posted by Jennifer N. on July 9, 2003, at 14:16:06

Lamictal started working within the first week for me. I noticed a definite brightening energetic effect which lasted about 2 months and then declined. During this time, I went through some extreme stress and so am not sure if my circumstances caused the decline or if it just pooped out. Lamictal was not strong enough to handle the severe depression that was engulfing me and I could not increase it past 100mg without anxiety. I went on nortriptyline, which definitely helped, but am now getting off because of the side effects.

I have BP-II with major depressive mixed states and basically, I'm determined to stabilize using lithium and lamictal only. I think lamictal is a worthwhile med and will titrate up slowly to see if it handles things.

I know nothing about tegretol but if you're not using a decent mood stabiliser concurrently, it's doubtful you'll have a smooth ride from lamictal alone. It seems to need something else to complete it's transmission. In my experience, lithium is the perfect partner - one potentiates the other. Together they become very effective in combatting the hell of an agitated depression. At least at first. Time will tell if this combo is more than just a tease.

> I have been taking Lamictal for 3 weeks. I have BD with major depressive disorder. My psychiatrist started me out at 25mg/day, increasing by 25mg/week until reaching 100mg/day. When I began Lamictal, I was on 200mg/day of Tegretol, and have been decreasing by 100mg/week until I reach zero. Today is my last dose of the Tegretol. I want to know how long the Lamictal should take to kick in. I am having increased manic and "racing thought" episodes. My doctor also gave me Seroquel, which has only helped some. Will I notice more of a difference after the Tegretol has been discontinued?

 

Re: Lamictal

Posted by lmblec on July 10, 2003, at 2:28:18

In reply to Re: Lamictal, posted by Jennifer N. on July 9, 2003, at 14:16:06

about three weeks to kick in.I GET VERY DIZZY FROM JUST 50MG AND HATE THE DRUG

 

Re: Lamictal

Posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 7:08:19

In reply to Re: Lamictal, posted by lmblec on July 10, 2003, at 2:28:18

> about three weeks to kick in.I GET VERY DIZZY FROM JUST 50MG AND HATE THE DRUG

I know my post may make people angry, but I keep asking----if we are sane enough to be writing on this website---and I do realize some folks simply cannot exist without meds---why can't some of us live with the pain, annoyance, terror by using coping techniques instead of drugs?
I have depression, mind chatter, images of horrible things coming up all day, but have been drug free for about six months. I have been trained to accept all this and use mediTation, exercise, etc. Like yesterday when I woke up and felt very upset to find myself in my waking reality again. I was freaking out, then finally put some sad music on and sobbed for 10 minutes and then was able to meditate for 10 minutes and became "healed" enough to do my work. Every day is a struggle. I call it "riding the dragon". The dragon goes up, he goes down, he is all over the place, and I stay on by living in the moment. Then I forget and I fall off. ouch!major mental emergency! then I scramble around tying to figure out what in the hell happened, then just let go and let all the bad stuff just flow through me. Not get attached to what is happening to me, then amazinging I am "on the dragon" again. We are all here for the experience, whether good or bad and I beleive we have to chose if we want to go through our time on earth asleep (medicated).

 

Re: Lamictal

Posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 11:52:06

In reply to Re: Lamictal Jennifer N., posted by Barbara Cat on July 10, 2003, at 1:08:15

Kimberly Di,
With that combo have you noticed weight gain? I take 1800 of trileptal and 200 of lamictal. And while it's been helpful, really helpful, I still notice that I seem to swing a lot. I have underlying depression that has gotten better, but will still have wide swings and sometimes wonder if maybe a different combo or an uppage of lamictal would be more benificial.

It's doubly difficult, because, I have this part of me that would frankly loved to be numb - what's the Pink Floyd song, Comfortably Numb? My addictive nature - yep that's me. Just drug me up so I can't feel the pain that seems to linger all the time. That's the part of me that I think would like to see me destroyed. The whole thing is a bit strange eh?
starlight.

 

Re: Andrew Cynthia

Posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 12:20:43

In reply to Re: Andrew & Cynthia, posted by Sean on August 8, 1999, at 17:43:52

I actually noticed my depressions early, early on. 3rd grade was when it started and by 11th or 12th grade I was cycling even higher. Although I can remember as early as 10 and 11 years old staying up all night long reading Nancy Drew books with a flashlight under my sheets. I had some severe depressions in my childhood, but the impact on my energy level wasn't that bad - it would be painful, and I wouldn't feel like doing anything, but I would push through it.

I cycle fast, swing fast, probably kindled by a couple of years on wellbutrin. When I got my new pDoc, my speech was so fast that I think I overwhelmed him. He diagnosed me as Bipolar II pretty quickly, although I think he thinks I'm closer to Bipolar I at this point.

In the military I definitely was on a high, for a long time. Mix that with an eating disorder and I was a mess. The military doc tried putting me on an antidepressant, I have no idea which one, only knew that I wouldn't stick with it.

Sean - I too am a singer songwriter, with a band and am a highly creative person. This runs in my family and hopefully I will be able to gain a better hold on my future. We'll see.

Starlight


 

Re: rapid cycling and mind noise

Posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 12:22:37

In reply to Re: rapid cycling and mind noise, posted by Barbara Cat on July 4, 2003, at 11:32:28

Barbara,
I've had very similar and profound experiences. Loved them - mine have always been positive. Wish I had more, quite frankly. They make life more interesting.
starlight

 

Re: Lamictal jaye

Posted by Barbara Cat on July 10, 2003, at 12:27:36

In reply to Re: Lamictal, posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 7:08:19

Jaye,
I agree with what you're saying with some considerations. First of all, I practice Shi-ne meditation, which is about embracing all emotions as the path to awakening. It's wonderfully suited for simply being with whatever comes up and is a very powerful path for me. However, I can get into really bad places anyway and when this happens I have no access to my higher mind, higher self, clarity. It's very hard on my psyche and body and very self defeating. It then becomes like climbing on that dragon's tail when you can barely crawl. I think that most of us here on this board would love to know how to do life without these meds, but we don't have that information available to us yet.

Living life skillfully and consciously takes determination, discipline and good instruction. Perhaps not everyone is willing to work that hard but are grateful that taking a pill at least helps them function. I know that I am committed to waking up, have been on a spiritual path for over 30 years. I give it as much as I'm able, but it's still not enough to fully heal my very tweaky nervous system. I've tried going solo many many times, relying on my training and inner wisdom, and every time I come whimpering back to meds. It's very clear I don't know how to do this yet and no matter how much I meditate, eat pristinely, get exercise, I still have alot more learning to do. It's like trying to land an airplane without first knowing how to do it. I may be crazy but I'm not stupid and climbing on that dragon's tail in a raw and frenzied state is just plain foolish.

You mention coping as a way of dealing with our moods. Perhaps you haven't had the kind of mood disorder whereby all your coping skills, lessons learned from experience, putting two thoughts together, fly out the window and the center isn't available. In this case, coping may be accepting help from whatever quarter until our own coping skills are honed and finally anchored. Hopefully we'll get there. Maybe the biggest gift for me from these meds is that they allow me to entertain hope that I'll eventually learn what it is that I need to know. Barbara


> I know my post may make people angry, but I keep asking----if we are sane enough to be writing on this website---and I do realize some folks simply cannot exist without meds---why can't some of us live with the pain, annoyance, terror by using coping techniques instead of drugs?
> I have depression, mind chatter, images of horrible things coming up all day, but have been drug free for about six months. I have been trained to accept all this and use mediTation, exercise, etc. Like yesterday when I woke up and felt very upset to find myself in my waking reality again. I was freaking out, then finally put some sad music on and sobbed for 10 minutes and then was able to meditate for 10 minutes and became "healed" enough to do my work. Every day is a struggle. I call it "riding the dragon". The dragon goes up, he goes down, he is all over the place, and I stay on by living in the moment. Then I forget and I fall off. ouch!major mental emergency! then I scramble around tying to figure out what in the hell happened, then just let go and let all the bad stuff just flow through me. Not get attached to what is happening to me, then amazinging I am "on the dragon" again. We are all here for the experience, whether good or bad and I beleive we have to chose if we want to go through our time on earth asleep (medicated).
>

 

Re: Lamictal - Taming the Dragon

Posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 12:48:56

In reply to Re: Lamictal, posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 7:08:19

Jaye,
You can choose to live that way if you like. I practice yoga, work my creativity, journal every day and choose to not live in pain if I don't have to. I would love to be medication free. But when I don't have meds, I just self medicate any way be it alcohol, pot, exercise, food, you name it. So while you're having fun riding the dragon, I'm using well researched approaches and trying to stabilize my life with God given gifts to medicine. Would you tell a diabetic to cure himself using meditation?
starlight

 

Good for you jaye

Posted by Jack Smith on July 10, 2003, at 13:24:58

In reply to Re: Lamictal, posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 7:07:37

> I keep asking----if we are sane enough to be writing on this website---

I am depressed, not insane. Ask Ernest Hemingway the same question. He was "sane enough" to write some of the greatest novels of all time in the midst of horrible depressions. Then he blew his brains out.

> I do realize some folks simply cannot exist without meds---why can't some of us live with the pain, annoyance, terror by using coping techniques instead of drugs?

Some people do, i.e. you. Some of us don't. Some of us use both.

> I have depression, mind chatter, images of horrible things coming up all day, but have been drug free for about six months.

Congratulations. I do not know what your point is. Are you saying you are stronger than we? Are you saying that if you could do it we could? Who knows, had you never used meds, you may not be able to live without them now. Ever think about that?

> I have been trained to accept all this and use mediTation, exercise, etc. Like yesterday when I woke up and felt very upset to find myself in my waking reality again. I was freaking out, then finally put some sad music on and sobbed for 10 minutes and then was able to meditate for 10 minutes and became "healed" enough to do my work.

That's great that you were able to get well enough to work. But what's your point?

> We are all here for the experience, whether good or bad and I beleive we have to chose if we want to go through our time on earth asleep (medicated).

Medication = sleep? OK, for me, that's wrong. When I am in the midst of a severe depression, I feel much more asleep than when I am medicated. Frankly, I come here to this website for support regarding meds. I would prefer not to be preached to about how I should not be on them. I honestly feel good for you that you seem to be able to cope without them, however. Good luck and God Bless.

JACK

 

Re: Lamictal starlight

Posted by KimberlyDi on July 10, 2003, at 16:38:02

In reply to Re: Lamictal, posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 11:52:06

starlight, i'm confused at which thread you are replying to. I don't take trileptal or lamictal. I'm just stumbling around with Effexor. :) Comfortably Numb was one of my FAVORITE songs in the 80's & 90's. "Hello <echo> hello hello, is there anybody in there?"

> Kimberly Di,
> With that combo have you noticed weight gain? I take 1800 of trileptal and 200 of lamictal. And while it's been helpful, really helpful, I still notice that I seem to swing a lot. I have underlying depression that has gotten better, but will still have wide swings and sometimes wonder if maybe a different combo or an uppage of lamictal would be more benificial.
>
> It's doubly difficult, because, I have this part of me that would frankly loved to be numb - what's the Pink Floyd song, Comfortably Numb? My addictive nature - yep that's me. Just drug me up so I can't feel the pain that seems to linger all the time. That's the part of me that I think would like to see me destroyed. The whole thing is a bit strange eh?
> starlight.

 

Re: Lamictal - Taming the Dragon starlight

Posted by KimberlyDi on July 10, 2003, at 16:56:56

In reply to Re: Lamictal - Taming the Dragon, posted by starlight on July 10, 2003, at 12:48:56

Starlight, we are so much alike.

A note to Jaye (and no, i didn't take offense at your post). I'm very happy for you that you have been successful in your med-free life.

Another factor in the "to use or not to use AD's". I am a better person to my co-workers and to my family when I have AD's to subdue my inner demons. If I were single and not a mother, I might try to live life without the AD's. I have a responsibility to my family NOT to ride the frantic emotional roller coaster ride. The highs were followed by crashes. I've already put my son through too much worry, my WHOLE family too much worry.

If you think people are responding defensively to you posts, remember... nothing annoys a smoker more than a non-smoker. <grin>

Good luck, Kim

> Jaye,
> You can choose to live that way if you like. I practice yoga, work my creativity, journal every day and choose to not live in pain if I don't have to. I would love to be medication free. But when I don't have meds, I just self medicate any way be it alcohol, pot, exercise, food, you name it. So while you're having fun riding the dragon, I'm using well researched approaches and trying to stabilize my life with God given gifts to medicine. Would you tell a diabetic to cure himself using meditation?
> starlight

 

Re: Lamictal-Barbara

Posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 18:38:06

In reply to Re: Lamictal jaye, posted by Barbara Cat on July 10, 2003, at 12:27:36

Barbara, hi.
you helped me out when I first came to this board : )
I guess by "coping" I don't really mean "coping", rather, sitting out the storm without thinking it's the end of the world, and no, I can't always do that!

But if I use a drug when things get bad (I do know what you're referring to about things getting Very Iffy), then how can I learn to go through the pain? If I cannot learn to "cope" with pain, then a drug will always become the answer,and, unless somehow that drug makes me smarter and better able to cope next time the shit hits, I will be forever crippled unless I have that medication to make me whole.
In DUNE when they do the "little black box" test on the guy's hand.. (he thinks he is being tortured, but it's really just an illusion)?

Could it possibly be that when we are being tortured by our own minds we are inside that black box? Our whole brain can't be full of damaged wiring... If we can get outside the box...any state of mind is possible. Somehow we seem to get attached to the negative and horrible. Damn sticky stuff.

 

Re: Lamictal - Taming the Dragon KimberlyDi

Posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 18:49:09

In reply to Re: Lamictal - Taming the Dragon starlight, posted by KimberlyDi on July 10, 2003, at 16:56:56

> Starlight, we are so much alike.
>
> A note to Jaye (and no, i didn't take offense at your post). I'm very happy for you that you have been successful in your med-free life.
>
> Another factor in the "to use or not to use AD's". I am a better person to my co-workers and to my family when I have AD's to subdue my inner demons. If I were single and not a mother, I might try to live life without the AD's. I have a responsibility to my family NOT to ride the frantic emotional roller coaster ride. The highs were followed by crashes. I've already put my son through too much worry, my WHOLE family too much worry.
>
> If you think people are responding defensively to you posts, remember... nothing annoys a smoker more than a non-smoker. <grin>
>
> Good luck, Kim
>
>
>
> > Jaye,
> > You can choose to live that way if you like. I practice yoga, work my creativity, journal every day and choose to not live in pain if I don't have to. I would love to be medication free. But when I don't have meds, I just self medicate any way be it alcohol, pot, exercise, food, you name it. So while you're having fun riding the dragon, I'm using well researched approaches and trying to stabilize my life with God given gifts to medicine. Would you tell a diabetic to cure himself using meditation?
> > starlight

All this I can understand.My kids are grown. I have lots of time alone to be myself, then can keep it together in public if I have to and stay home if I can't. I had a real problem with meds. I felt like there was plate glass between me and the rest of the world. Sleep felt un-natural and waking life felt somewhat robotic. I didn't feel joy or great sadness. I missed that.
But we each have our own paths, and mine, right now is to suffer so I can also have the treasures and the adventure.Maybe in a while I'll get tired of life "out here" and go back on meds(club med?) for a vacation from all this work.

 

Re: Lamictal-Barbara jaye

Posted by Barbara Cat on July 11, 2003, at 13:04:26

In reply to Re: Lamictal-Barbara, posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 18:38:06

>...just an illusion)?
>
> Could it possibly be that when we are being tortured by our own minds we are inside that black box? Our whole brain can't be full of damaged wiring... If we can get outside the box...any state of mind is possible. Somehow we seem to get attached to the negative and horrible. Damn sticky stuff.

Hi Jaye,
I really like your analogy, especially how our minds can't be totally full of damaged wiring. I wonder why that dark yucky stuff becomes so attractive and persistent? Yes, it seems that depression/anxiety is a self perpetuating loop and our fearbased lower minds gain the upperhand and just keep looping. The spinning prevents the higher brain functions from getting through. I try to practice being in the Witness and staying right here in the present, which is usually quite tolerable. And especially having compassion for myself (I beat myself up when depressed). When I can step outside that crazy 'black box', the spin stops and I can witness my mind chasing it's own tail. But many times I don't catch it in time and once I'm in it's grip it seems like a mindless energy takes over and I quickly become blocked and exhausted.

I have little post-its all over the house with reminders 'Breathe!', 'Who is having this feeling?', 'There is only the Now and I am safe', etc, but when I'm in the black pit, they don't register. I get cynical, 'yeah, yeah, and screw you too'. There's no talking sense to me and I just have to hang on until that weird dark energy is finally finished with me.

I think we have to make the best use of our good times to practice skills of courage, patience and faith. The better I get at it, the quicker I remember to catch my mind doing it's little number. I can tolerate the discomfort because I KNOW I CAN, whereas before I was convinced I couldn't. For me, the trick is to be aware enough to catch myself before falling into those knee-jerk fearful habits. I believe that there is great value in just sitting with it and allowing those feelings just to be, but it has to be done through the unflappable Witness. It's not healthy to be lost in that kind of trauma. It's needless hysteria that feeds on fear.

I'm testing this out lately by slowly reducing my meds and relying on those skills instead. Lithium will probably stay and we'll see about the others. They've been good friends. I'm not willing to fry my brain and it's going to take a long time. This is where courage, patience, and faith come in. But I'm no fool. It can get really bad for me and if I need them, I need them. Jaye, I'd be real interested in your thoughts of what works for you, what helps in letting you sit through it. - Barbara

 

Re: Lamictal - Taming the Dragon

Posted by starlight on July 11, 2003, at 14:15:51

In reply to Re: Lamictal - Taming the Dragon KimberlyDi, posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 18:49:09

Jaye,
You said, "I felt like there was plate glass between me and the rest of the world. Sleep felt un-natural and waking life felt somewhat robotic. I didn't feel joy or great sadness. I missed that."

With my meds, I don't feel that way at all. Without them I do. Without them, I don't want to bother going through life's struggles, but more just want to give up. Maybe your meds were the wrong meds. I understand what you're saying about the Benegeserit (sp?) box, but some people will handle it and some people won't, regardless of whether or not they're medicated. I teach Bikram style yoga (hot yoga) in a room where the temperature can get up to 110 degrees. The class is 90 minutes long and difficult - some people can take it, some people can't, it's not a matter of the meds, it's a matter of accepting the environment and growing through it.

I accept that my mental health situation is full of ups and downs. The downs feel like the ground falls out from beneath my feet. I only see the negative things - I realize that I'm seeing the negative things. My body feels weak and I ache, I cry for no good reason. I lose productivity and am more agitated with my friends and family. The ups are great, I love them, although I've done some pretty stupid things in the past that I don't think I would do now. I think the meds definitely help to level me out, which increases my ability to be aware. I'm lucky though and am on a good combo with very few side effects. I only hope they continue to do me well.

But that's the beauty of science and research. Mankind has made great strides in those areas. Think of what we've done. We can control epilepsy, diabetes, stave off disease - it's just as much of a gift as meditation. For the person who isn't at your level of control and ability, would you deny them the treatment that could help them, or rather be compassionate and understand that each person is working at their own level and will grow and heal as they are ready to do so?
starlight

 

Re: Lamictal-Barbara

Posted by starlight on July 11, 2003, at 14:22:38

In reply to Re: Lamictal-Barbara jaye, posted by Barbara Cat on July 11, 2003, at 13:04:26

Barbara,
You're right, we're very much alike. I go through the same situations. I try to catch my fear based mind in operation, realize that it's taking control OR has taken control, but sometimes I just can't catch it fast enough. I have epiphanies, my latest has been a big confidence breakthrough. But your statement about catching it faster, is exactly where I'm at.

Sometimes though, I think the meds help us do the work.
starlight

 

Redirect: mediTation, exercise, etc.

Posted by Dr. Bob on July 11, 2003, at 18:30:26

In reply to Re: Lamictal, posted by jaye on July 10, 2003, at 7:08:19

> I have depression, mind chatter, images of horrible things coming up all day, but have been drug free for about six months. I have been trained to accept all this and use mediTation, exercise, etc.

It's fine to discuss meditation, exercise, etc., but I'd like follow-ups about them to be redirected to Psychological Babble or Psycho-Social-Babble, thanks.

Bob

PS: And those about posting policies, or complaints about posts, to be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.


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