Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 87893

Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Depression Marriage Kids

Posted by spike4848 on December 26, 2001, at 17:46:10

I been struggling with these issues for a while. I don't know if this depression/panic stuff will get worse as I get older. I do want to get married and have kids someday.... I can deal with the meds and all the side effects. What I don't know is (1) is it right to take the vows of marriage when I don't know if my condition will be worst in 5-10 years (2) is it right to have children ..... knowing they may suffer with depression/anxiety. Any one have any thoughts about this stuff?

 

Re: Depression Marriage Kids

Posted by stjames on December 26, 2001, at 18:36:20

In reply to Depression Marriage Kids, posted by spike4848 on December 26, 2001, at 17:46:10

One thing at a time. Deal with the depression, first. How are you doing on that front ? I think once that is under control, it will be clear to you how to deal with marriage and kids.

 

Re: Depression Marriage Kids

Posted by spike4848 on December 26, 2001, at 19:12:44

In reply to Re: Depression Marriage Kids, posted by stjames on December 26, 2001, at 18:36:20

> One thing at a time. Deal with the depression, first. How are you doing on that front ?

Depression is controlled on meds. Off meds, it can be very severe .... very dark.

>I think once that is under control, it will be clear to you how to deal with marriage and kids.

I guess the question is .... is it fair to my significant other to take a vow of marriage .... when I can't promise her I will be healthy in five years .... I seen people spiral down with this disease. I'm just a little scared and a little too realist.

It seems that we are not closer to solving this depression disease than we were 20 years ago.
One could argue some of our most effective medication have been around for over 30 years-the tca's, MAOI, lithium. Yeah, the newer meds have less "side effects" but are no more effective ... probably less effective than the older meds.

PS I know people are going to slaughter me for those statement ... sorry in advance.

Spike

 

Re: Depression Marriage Kids

Posted by sid on December 26, 2001, at 21:10:13

In reply to Re: Depression Marriage Kids, posted by spike4848 on December 26, 2001, at 19:12:44

Well at least you're a man ! You don't have to stop taking the meds to have children while women do. How about that for yet another advantage ! Plus you can have kids at just about any age. Life is not fair that way.

I do think about all that myself. I am tough on myself and will not have children until I am rid of depression. Actually, won't have a boyfriend either until I am rid of depression. If I don't get to that point in time (I only have a few more child-bearing years ahead of me !), then I will not have children. I am not saying everybody should do that - that's just the choice I've made given my values and experiences. I wish my parents had dealt with a number of issues before they had kids, so I will not do the same to yet another generation. Some people can handle it all at once, I don't think I can.

As for the genetics: I think that knowing the risks, I can raise children better, using behavioral and cognitive therapy techniques to help them avoid depressive episodes; that's because I used those myself. I would be very sad however if that did not work. I tend to think that my parents should perhaps not have had children at all, but thay had no idea they had this genetic background... back then, they just thought there was a lot of grumpy people in their families... Now we know better.

All this to say, you're not the only one to think about this.

Your future wife and fairness... as long as you are honest with her about all this, and as long as you think she knows what depression is (she has a good idea of how bad it can get and what it can do to you), then it's her decision. As in any relationship, be honest, and then let people knowingly make their decisions. If you find someone you love, who loves you enough to marry you knowing the risks, jump in. You cannot be responsible for others - depression makes us feel like we should be responsible for the world, but take this out of your head right now.

Anyway... that's way too serious for a Dec 26... I need to sleep.

 

Re: Depression Marriage Kids

Posted by stjames on December 27, 2001, at 0:48:41

In reply to Re: Depression Marriage Kids, posted by spike4848 on December 26, 2001, at 19:12:44

> >I think once that is under control, it will be clear to you how to deal with marriage and kids.
>
> I guess the question is .... is it fair to my significant other to take a vow of marriage .... when I can't promise her I will be healthy in five years .... I seen people spiral down with this disease. I'm just a little scared and a little too realist.

Can you say that you will not be hit by a bus, get cancer, ect ? Would you not get married because one of these "might" happen ? We are all damaged good in one way or another.

>
> It seems that we are not closer to solving this depression disease than we were 20 years ago.
> One could argue some of our most effective medication have been around for over 30 years-the tca's, MAOI, lithium. Yeah, the newer meds have less "side effects" but are no more effective ... probably less effective than the older meds.


People have been in TCA's since the 1950's, we are coming up on 50 years. I've been on AD's since 1985, still doing fine. Many do the same, and generally do not show up on this list. For me, once I was stable for several years I realized (and was told) the outlook was very good and there was no reason to assume I would not continue to do well.

 

Re: Depression Marriage Kids

Posted by Cindylou on December 27, 2001, at 8:02:42

In reply to Re: Depression Marriage Kids, posted by stjames on December 27, 2001, at 0:48:41

What a great question.

As for the marriage part, I had been on ADs for 10 years when I met my current husband ... I explained to him my situation, and he didn't even flinch. At the time, however, things were much more under control for me than they are now -- since having a baby 2 years ago, I haven't been able to find a med combo I can tolerate well and it has been difficult. Still, I don't think either of us would rethink our decision to get married based on my mood disorder.

As for having kids -- I struggled with that one also. When I mentioned my fear to a friend she just replied, "Oh, that's silly." Guess she doesn't know the extent of what we go through. I mentioned my concern to a therapist who said that there are a lot of environmental factors that go into mood disorders -- her theory was that even if our daughter is born predisposed to depression, a healthy upbringing with loving, attentive parents can hold it at bay.

Now I am struggling with the decision whether or not to have another baby ... after two years of trying every med out there and struggling to stay afloat, it's a scary decision to think about getting off meds and going through it again. But then I think, since the meds aren't really helping much, I might as well. Then again, I need to be 100% here for my daughter, and with a new baby and perhaps increased postpartum depression and anxiety, that could be impossible.

One thing I know for sure is that my life is richer now for having had her, and I am pouring out every ounce of love I have for her -- so hopefully that can help down the road if she ever had to deal with a mood disorder.

Sorry for the rambling -- you brought up a sticking point for me!

> > >I think once that is under control, it will be clear to you how to deal with marriage and kids.
> >
> > I guess the question is .... is it fair to my significant other to take a vow of marriage .... when I can't promise her I will be healthy in five years .... I seen people spiral down with this disease. I'm just a little scared and a little too realist.
>
> Can you say that you will not be hit by a bus, get cancer, ect ? Would you not get married because one of these "might" happen ? We are all damaged good in one way or another.
>
>
>
> >
> > It seems that we are not closer to solving this depression disease than we were 20 years ago.
> > One could argue some of our most effective medication have been around for over 30 years-the tca's, MAOI, lithium. Yeah, the newer meds have less "side effects" but are no more effective ... probably less effective than the older meds.
>
>
> People have been in TCA's since the 1950's, we are coming up on 50 years. I've been on AD's since 1985, still doing fine. Many do the same, and generally do not show up on this list. For me, once I was stable for several years I realized (and was told) the outlook was very good and there was no reason to assume I would not continue to do well.

 

Redirect: Depression Marriage Kids

Posted by Dr. Bob on December 27, 2001, at 10:56:37

In reply to Re: Depression Marriage Kids, posted by Cindylou on December 27, 2001, at 8:02:42

> What a great question...

It *is* a great question, but it's a question more for Psycho-Social Babble than here, so follow-ups should be redirected there, thanks.

Bob

PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration; otherwise, they may be deleted.

 

Re: Posted Mine At Same Time As You IsoM

Posted by Dr. Bob on December 28, 2001, at 16:30:39

In reply to Sorry, Dr Bob, Posted Mine At Same Time As You (nm) Dr. Bob, posted by IsoM on December 27, 2001, at 11:26:08

IsoM,

No problem, I hope you don't mind that I've moved yours, to:

http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15977.html

Bob

 

Re: Redirect: Depression Marriage Kids Dr. Bob

Posted by Cindylou on December 29, 2001, at 18:07:22

In reply to Redirect: Depression Marriage Kids, posted by Dr. Bob on December 27, 2001, at 10:56:37

I can't find this thread in psycho-social babble ... where did it go?

> > What a great question...
>
> It *is* a great question, but it's a question more for Psycho-Social Babble than here, so follow-ups should be redirected there, thanks.
>
> Bob
>
> PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration; otherwise, they may be deleted.

 

Re: Redirect: Depression Marriage Kids

Posted by Dr. Bob on December 31, 2001, at 17:22:01

In reply to Re: Redirect: Depression Marriage Kids Dr. Bob, posted by Cindylou on December 29, 2001, at 18:07:22

> I can't find this thread in psycho-social babble ... where did it go?

I posted a link, check the post just above yours. Happy new year,

Bob


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