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Re: neighbors

Posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2021, at 17:39:58

In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 23, 2021, at 18:15:14

Hey. Sorry, I haven't checked the boards recently. Didn't mean to drop the ball on ya.

I can identify with not wanting to get too close to my neighbors. Because I can't really relax until I feel alone. Safe. Because, to me, people are more likely to be a source of threat / danger if I let my guard down. Psychologically. That means if I can hear someone else pottering about... Well... There is also a bit of a quality to it. If they are listening out for me. Responding to me. Or if they are blissfully unaware of me and just doing their own thing. The latter is less threatening, you see. From my psychological safety point of view. Physiologically. Because of how I'm wired.

I think a lot of people feel over-crowded in a close living apartment kind of a set up or situation. People who might be more genuinely friendly to their neighbours. Maybe even inviting them over to their houses etc if they lived in houses with sections are not so friendly when they are in apartment set-ups.

I think there is a mindfulness or awareness that if the relationship turns bad... Then they will have lost the one place in the world that was safe for them. Their home. Their home will be invaded.

To be completely honest if one of my neighbours yelled out swear words etc in a very angry voice... I would be most concerned that there might be an incident of domestic violence. But if it was a once of thing... I'd be freaked, yes. I suppose I would keep my distance, yes. But I suppose that is coming from a context of already having chosen to keep my distance before.

The thing is, for me, anyway, it really isn't personal. That is to say it isn't because I don't like their face. It isn't because I judge them negatively or badly at all. It has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about them personally. Because I don't know them as people, at all. It is solely about the fact that they are located a bit too close to me than I feel physiologically okay about.

And it isn't weird at all. That's why most people choose to live further out and choose not to live in an apartment or an apartment complex or whatever. Precisely because shared / communal areas make it impossible to avoid someone if they take too much of a liking (or a disliking) and set out to make your life hell. Not that I judge they would do that... So much as I am afraid. Because my own security is so fragile. This is all I have. Only one step away from homeless. Always. That's how NZ likes to keep me. Always. How low can we go? Always pushing pushing pushing for just that little bit more...




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