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So, Jesus is just alright with me...

Posted by Christ_empowered on February 13, 2014, at 20:58:21

...its a song from the 70s. You may remember it from the Simpson's Episode where the minister tells his life story...I vaguely remember a reference to The Jesus People.

Anyway, I'm Born Again! Weird thing about Born Again requires repentance, which was a big deal for me. I could pray for forgiveness for individual acts, but recognizing my innate sin nature and the need for salvation simply because...well...I need one as a human being..that was a big deal.

This finally happened last year, a little before New Year's. My shrink finally got me to admit that there were some narcissistic traits to my condition(s) and, as an added bonus, I threw in that I "destroyed myself with uppers and downers." Dramatic. She wrote me a Luvox rx.

Anyway, the transformation since then has been outstanding. I'm like Born Again Flowers for Algernon meets Queer, Interrupted, meets...I dunno...any number of redemption stories.

Seriously: I fried my brain as a teenager. Docs electroshocked me. I should be dead or in an institution. But, instead...

...I'm looking to get a degree online (you didn't think I wanted to go *to* school, did you? Ha! I'm 29!) and move forward with my life. This is yet another day never promised me that I am required to "rejoice and be glad in," so...I'll do my best.

Grace by its very nature is "unmerited favor," which is something I always remind myself of. I used to honestly think I *deserved* miracles, you know? "False sense of entitlement." Also...psychosis, social isolation, immaturity, etc.

So, I've been graced. I pray for others to be graced, too. One thing I've been graced with is the lucidity to see that I certainly don't deserve any of the good things Jesus has done for me...but he did them anyway...

Being Born Again is really quite interesting, I must say. I have to show compassion, forgive, etc., and it well. I don't simply mean that trying to forgive my oppressors helped *me*, like therapy (although it did), I mean that it change(d/s) me. To the core.

So, now I've been post-repentance, Born Again ("saved," for those of you in the bible belt, like me) for a little over a year now, and...

...I'm just not the same. I thought maybe Jesus would restore me to some pre-psychiatry state of...ummm...well, state of less brain damage, at least...but that's not exactly what happened. My IQ is up now, so I can't whine and moan about the ECT anymore, but that's not the main issue anymore...

...I'm just not the same. My masculine identity is growing, I've taken up celibacy, I get along better with others, and I'm tougher. Much, much, much tougher.

So, yeah. Jesus. I recommend Him to everybody. :-)




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poster:Christ_empowered thread:1060655