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Re:

Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2008, at 10:53:42

In reply to Dinah I don't think soooooo, posted by 64bowtie on September 19, 2008, at 4:39:21

> I also puzzle at how I enjoy you being on the planet, now in my time, when, as a matter of course, I avoid folks who assess themselves as you have in the above paragraph as being toooo much trouble...

Perhaps it's because my self esteem is topic dependent. In many ways I am quite confident and self assured. I consider myself to have great intrinsic worth (just as we all do, in one way or another). But my previous experiences for nearly all my life has given me what I think to be realistic negative self appraisal in the area of social interaction. I have been tormented in school, regularly rejected as an adult, and in every way had my view that I am socially unacceptable validated over and over.

Some of that might be a self fulfilling prophecy. People who would like to like me or be accepting, but who I turn off by appearing stand-offish when I'm really just trying to make sure I don't foist myself on them.

> Parents mistakenly cross that line all the time and the kids all toooo often waste a good part of their lives believing the parental injunctions as fact... Parents were injuncted as children to coerce them into action, so they see no problem with such behavior continuing on to their own children...

I can't blame my parents. They never coerced me into anything, and they clearly loved me and valued me. Whatever their flaws, that was always true. They weren't really all that good socially themselves. My father could pass for social in some situations, but he certainly wasn't socially skilled. My mother blundered through life alienating everyone around her, and never being aware of that. People would go to me, once I was a teenager, and ask me to call her off or tell her how she was offending them. I would always answer that she was my mother, and I couldn't do that, and that they should speak to her directly.

Maybe I'm afraid of being like my mother. And based on the reactions I usually elicit in person, maybe I am.

I appreciate your confidence and positive regard for me, Rod.

Dinah

 

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poster:Dinah thread:852253
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faith/20080809/msgs/853077.html