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SPIRITUAL ABUSEBet U Never Heard a Story LikeThis

Posted by allisonross on October 30, 2005, at 5:09:21

Greetings, all! New here. Used to be a Baptist, now I just call myself a believer.

Married for 31 years (with him for 36 yrs.) to an abuser. Constant verbal abuse and some physical. Finally got the courage to get a divorce (excruciating struggle, as you can imagine).

I then experienced a kind of abuse I'd never heard of: Spiritual church (of 31 years) voted me out of membership (because I got a divorce and then let the ex live in my house).

I fought the system for 18 months, to try and stop the pastor (of disaster, LOL) from "counseling" any more women, because 2 of them wanted to commit suicide.

A miracle (angel) showed up at the precise moment I needed him (expert in spiritual abuse AND a pastor), and journeyed with me. He taught me the most valuable words I'd ever heard: RESTORATIVE JUSTICE: This is what you did, this is how it made me feel. So empowering to someone (except for 3 years in the army) abused for a lifetime.

In the end (on my birthday, no less); my name was put up on a big screen in front of the congregation, followed by the words: CONDUCT UNBECOMING A CHILD OF GOD (flashed up there, not once, but 3 times). I was called to a meeting of deacons (17 "men"), not allowed to have a woman with me, and asked if I was "still having sex with my ex." No boundaries.

That was 3 years ago. Haven't been to a church, sad. I've always been able to make something good/beautiful come out of the ashes of my life. was the result of the spiritual abuse.

Over 150 poems of anguish, hope, healing and comfort came pouring forth from my wounded soul, and it has been a phenomenon.

I've heard from Ph.D.'s, pastors, psychologists, believers, authors and artists from all over the world; even from some Messianic Jews from Jerusalem, Israel

(I called them-money being no object, lOL), and they prayed with me in Hebrew---a powerful moment.

I was published (for the whole sordid life story)--amazingly, with the Ph.D's: The Transcendent Child on Overcoming Verbal and Spiritual Abuse.

Spiritual abuse is a wound that goes directly to the soul (there is a website for the spiritually abused).

The only real fear I ever had, was that of being alone (abandoned). Beginning with my father (who I never knew), every man in my life has failed, abused and abandoned me. Not bitter, just an observation my therapist made; kind of shocking to hear that!

I am now alone for the first time in 36 years; the ex left 5 months ago. I seem to be doing well. My therapist asked me how I had gotten thru a lifetime of abuse; seemingly (LOL) so normal, but not only normal....full of life, laughter, etc.

My answer: my faith, wicked wit and twisted sense of humor. Without my sense of humor, I would be drooling in a corner somewhere, LOL!

The irony, is that I grew up abused (verbally, physically) by a mentally-ill, violent mother. Never knew my father (met him when I was 33).

Grew up in a 120-year old tenement house, with cockroaches, rats. Snow that came in thru a large crack in the wall.

Molested by a drunken neighbor, who broke in while I was alone and sleeping (didn't know who it was). Had my hand held over an open fire by another drunken neighbor.

Poverty: no bathroom, refrigerator, car, phone, etc. nauseum.

Joined the army right out of high school, (from a little town in Maine, to San Francisco, at the height of the Vietnam war, hippie dippie, peace love and all that stuff!

"Married" my mother and tried to fix the past.

I believe we are all here to make a difference in the world, and this I have been trying to do. I counsel abused women. I consider the book: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans to be the most important book ever written (after the Bible); it should be required reading for everyone on the planet.

Verbal abuse is rampant in our society, but goes mostly unnoticed, nor recognized. Even therapists, if they have not been specially trained in this area, do not recognize it.

I'd be honored and grateful if you would pray for me (even tho I seem to be doing great). The last thing I ever wanted to be....was....alone.

I would also love it, if you would e-mail me:

Hope you will visit my churchabuse site, and let me know your thoughts. I have kept the messages sent to me, and consider them to be treasures.

My therapist (not to brag, LOL) said it sounded as if: "God was dictating the words to me." Lovely thought, lovely man. I've written at least 50 more poems, since my site went up, and now they are taking on the tone, of triumph and healing.

Blessings to you all, and I look forward to getting to know you! Hugs n Grins, Ally

P.S. I've written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice in the world), and have a publisher interested.




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