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Re: Good night sweet faith babblers..the stars are out

Posted by verne on September 11, 2004, at 23:39:52

In reply to Good night sweet faith babblers..the stars are out, posted by Jai Narayan on September 7, 2004, at 20:30:05


I'm drinking again so I'll need a few more days to get back to you about borderline personality disorder on the psych forum.

My former pastor, southern baptist turned zen guy, and close friend, just lost his dad and the lady that has delivered beer for me for 15 years is close to death with terminal lung cancer. She's really riding low in the saddle yet still wants to help me shop or clean house.

I'm a mess right now. Worst binge in years - started right after the "morning glory seed experiment" which won't soon be forgotten.

I just hope I dry out and make my dr appt. on the 20th. Since God got a hold of me about 8 years ago, drinking has less of a hold but lately it's been a little scary. Once the "beer lady" (no disrespect meant) is gone I will have no way to get alcohol. I gave up driving (too hyper-vigilant) and the nearest booze is too far. borderliners don't like to feel "deprived".

I'm not a typical alcoholic (sounds like denial). I don't drink everything in sight and have no trouble not drinking when i'm on firmer spiritual ground. not in my strength, not with will power, but with surrender - when there's truly no burden to staying sober.

but last spring i fell thought the proverbial ice and haven't been quite the same since. still hopeful though.

the beer lady and zen friend came by today and both helped me more than they knew. they radiated love and light. she's dying any day and he's in the middle of a life-changing crisis and yet God's love and spirit shines through them and they both esteemed my troubles greater than their own. Amazing Love.





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