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Spiritual loss after a depression(I'm messed up)

Posted by shadows721 on May 17, 2004, at 0:06:16

In reply to Spiritual loss after a depression, posted by holymama on May 16, 2004, at 19:20:39

Oh, you brought up a neat question. I have been in a predictament with my spirituality. As a child, I was totally obedient. Now, as an adult with depression, I feel that I am struggling having a relationship with God. On one hand, I really need my spirituality and the other I am angry. I am angry that my mind, body, and life are in total disorder. I am struggling with spirtuality, because of my depression. Sometimes, I feel alienated with the world. Sometimes, I get down on hands and knees and beg God to free me from the hidden enemy (depression). I feel angry with God too for allowing such awful things to happen to me as a child and to others like murder. I don't know what to say anymore.

Sometimes, I just can't stand to hear any christian music, because I think it's a form of brainwashing. I don't know what's going on with me. I was going to sunday school in nursery school when most of this sadistic abuse occurred, so I am messed up with church doctrin and God. God as the father triggered me, because my father was so abusive. Also, it was like man was mighter than woman. Most of the stories I heard in church were about the men. I didn't like that either. I guess I am just messed up. But, your post got me thinking about my personal difficulties and struggling with spirtuality.

Sometimes, I feel detached from all the pain. I think all this is temporary and I will be with God one day. I just know. I have such a conflict inside on this topic of spirituality.




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