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Re: It's happening again...}}Simus

Posted by holymama on February 10, 2004, at 15:20:56

In reply to Re: It's happening again... holymama, posted by NikkiT2 on February 10, 2004, at 13:08:22

Hi Simus, thank you for the blessings.

My family does NOT have a church yet that we are a part of. We are looking. We may have found the one that we will stick with -- a very small and friendly episcopal church. We have been three times in the past month. I still want to visit the Quaker church that is nearby, as well as a Baptist and Methodist church.

I want to feel part of a church community which I hope will pull me away from the Jehovah's Witnesses and will satisfy this spiritual itch I have developed! I'm having a hard time feeling satisfied with another church after my involvement with the Witnesses. They just have this way of convincing you that their way is the only 'true' way of worship and anything else just doesn't seem right after that. Some people say it's brainwashing -- they're probably right. It doesn't matter what you call it. I'm struggling with it, whatever it is. There is a lot of guilt.

AAAGH! I thought I was getting better from this illness I've been struggling with. The past year has been so hard -- depression, mania, an aggressive religious recruit, finding's been hard AND amazing. I'm still trying to sort through the rubble of my life after this storm has passed. For the most part, I feel good on my meds -- more stable, mild and in control of my moods. But I have all of these weird obsessive things left over -- obsessive Bible reading, a longing for this church and this motherly Witness woman who has taught me. I stay at home and read and have become heavy, heavy hearted. It's not all bad -- I mean heavy is not bad, it's just...heavy. I feel more responsible for the world and for people.

Most of my friends, husband, therapist, etc think I've gotten too obsessive, and need to balance my life. That is everyone's advice. It's good advice! I just don't know how, and I have reservations. What if I have been chosen by God for something? THis feels like the most life /mind altering experience I have ever had and I have a new STRONG faith and inspiration in and by God in my life. SHouldn't I use it instead of trying to get rid of it? As one of my best friends says to me (the rare friend who feels differently than most people in my life) -- our culture doesn't value spiritual experience. Everyone thinks it's weird and of no or little value, something to put in a small dark corner of your life, like Sunday mornings at church, and leave it there. Get on with your life. She encourages me to use the inspiration if it's there. I just don't know how to use it. ANd then of course there is my WItness friend who agrees with me that God has chosen me...

Sorry for the blabbering. I have a lot to sort out. Anyone's advice would be appreciated. This is definately an interesting phase of my life, or beginning of a 'new' life................




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