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I Feel the present, I am, this is, but it's not

Posted by MaTurtle on January 4, 2004, at 16:35:03

In reply to Re: Antidepressants and religious faith... rayww, posted by Dena on December 21, 2003, at 9:08:36

It's odd when I used to be depressed, and I'm still on antidepressants. I've noticed through trying to intensify and bring to the surface my awareness of myself and everthing around me, how interconnected everything is. I've also though maybe I've just be weirded out by psychedelic mushrooms and ayahusaca to the point where I was just crazy. However I have noticed a few things that psychedelics have made me realize about awareness and consciousness. On a chemical note the active alkaloids in psychedelics mushrooms are a tryptamine, which means it's chemical shape is similar to serotonin, and this is why it is active in the brain. The other one in ayahusca is N,N,DMT it is found in every living thing on the planet and is a very potent psychedelic, is chemical structure is very very identical to serotonin, in fact the only different between serotonin and dmt is two methy groups.

( side note: I've heard that when your body thinks it's going to die it releases massive amounts of dmt into the brain from the pineal gland and that is could be why we experience very similar dream experiences near-death and with ayahuasca(DMT) ).
Anyway admist my experiencing of ayahusca, I was convinced that I have never died nor ever will. I also felt my ego die, all the things I was worried about (i.e. how I look, jealousy, job, basic cynicism) didn't even matter becasue I knew they were not real. As I came down from this trip I was crying, and I don't know why, it just felt good. Finally the morning came and I felt as if I was reborn, and was very humbled.

What I've come to is this, when we cruicfy or ego (dedicate it to compassion [sorry to offend any christians this is just my thoughts] ), we have opened the door to let in the true love/bliss of life, and that if one looks past the ego he will find himself humbled and truely compassionate leaving behind guilt and cynicism.

About the DMT/ayahusca, I took it becasue I thought it would enhance my existance, and it did just that. I don't think however, that you need a drug or chemical to follow the progress of the soul. All it takes is intense emotion/concentration/awareness to climb up the steps of the soul toward the light that makes us step out of the darkness.

I have been so depressed that in fact I almost couldn't stand it, but I knew I just needed to let it go. Letting go is not as easy as it sounds sometimes. So I layed down and really tried heard to just let it go, I called on the healing force(like some people pray) to just help me let it go. I was still laying down concentrating, just thinking let it go. Trying to call upon the healing energy I felt like an infant crying. Then suddenly I felt a warm sensation, kind of like the love and nurturing feeling of a mother. I was still crying but when the energy of mother ( or my own healing energy, or god's healing energy, or jesus or whatever you call it) hit me all the tears turned into joy. I was now crying becasue I was in total bliss of just letting it go, I felt as if I knew god, and understood the healing powers of emotion.(this was with no drugs at all, just depression)

So, maybe intense emotion/awareness/consciousness takes us through the steps of the soul to the center. I think it's important to feel, and to have emotion. Moments of intense emotion whether you feel bad or good, you will probobly learn something from it. I think if you look closley enough at how you feel, and allow the emotion to flow through you and not block it out, you will learn something. Everything you learn about yourself is very important. So please don't deny feelings or block them out, becasue you would be taking yourself down the wrong river. Just let it out, let go, feel in the now. Learing about yourself I think will lead you down the pathway to your soul and true essense of being.

If you have felt true enlightenment/awareness/consciousness then you probobly will know what I'm talking about, and you may have accomplished this differently. Some people may think I'm just rambling, which I am but hey it's difficult to put these things into words. Maybe I'm just crazy, but I think emotions are important to the progess of the soul (Jungian).

I just want to help anyone, so these are my personal experiences. If I helped you, or your pissed off at me you can e-mail at

These intense emotions made me feel humbled, satisfied and compassionate, becasue I realized something while in these periods deep feeling. I realized something I cannot explain, and it has no explaination, reason, or purpose it just is.

"you are my reflection, whatever I see in you, is in me" -Robert (love and balance to all)

[ note: I'm not trying to offend anyone religiously, so please don't take it that way. I don't believe in demeaning anyone's relgion or trying to antagonize it in any way ]




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