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Emotional Pain/Higher Realms

Posted by Temmie on June 26, 2003, at 22:14:05

In reply to Manic-Depression and Metaphysics, posted by habbyshabit on June 2, 2003, at 8:07:59

Maybe this is a good place for me to hang out for awhile. I am lonely ... and ... the idea of striking up a conversation here is appealing -- so -- on the subject of metaphysics -- I have dabbled here and there, and am also, unfortunately saddled with chronic depression and PTSD. I believe it was the power of prayer and my appeals to the unseen that got me through traumatic events of childhood. I started exploring metaphysics back in the days when the only reading available pertained to occult matters (the 1960s). I had some out-of-body experiences as a teenager, which was something I was attempting to do, at first, but then took a turn -- just occuring, without my setting it up first. You know, I'd wake up, but I'd be up at the ceiling -- screaming, and/or using all my will to move -- but unable to do so.

Anyhow, I also started seeing auras as a teen, met Swami Rama at one point, and was invited to accompany him to study in India ... but I was only 17, and India seemed a long ways away. Now, I wish I had gone. I would have more credibility as a spiritual teacher, and, of course, Swami Rama was a lovely soul. I was just young ... and scared .... And a bit uncertain whether this was my path.

Instead, I ended up joining a New Age teaching and service order, delved into more study of the occult and Christian mysteries (as well as study of the tarot, the Baghavadgita, and Koran, etc.). I had many experiences of the unseen realms, including enhanced abilities with seeing Light, using Light for energy work, seeing angelic beings in meditation, receiving occasional oral messages, and meeting with teachers and unseen others on the otherside during dream time.

I left the Order in the 1970s, and delved back into the secular life. Did some work with gem-elixers in the 1980s ... Spent a lot of money working with a Michael channel ... practiced a bit with automatic writing -- and -- good grief, I saw a post on this site about "abuductions by aliens" earlier today and was disappointed to find it was a joke! Anyhow, in the mid 80's, I began having dreams or experiences on the otherside meeting beings from other realms. Sounds weird, I know, and this was not something I was looking for, dreamed up, or initiated -- it just happened. I don't want to talk too much about it -- it's too rife for ridicule, and the experiences were too personal.

A few years ago I was ordained a priest in a Gnostic Order, and last summer was initiated into what is considered to be a higher step beyond this -- but I'm not doing much spiritual work, other than half-hearted attempts at prayer before sleep each night.

I am not conscious of visits with unseen teachers when I am sleeping. I am not reaching up to connect with them. I'm depressed, and I'm using medication to sleep (which is surely affecting both my memory of and access to higher realms).

I am acquainted with the Seth materials ... I've done quite a bit of reading/reasearh on this, and other paths, including the philosophies of the Pacific Islanders, Native American, Aboriginal peoples, and so on. I refer to "The Urantia Book" from time to time. I've fasted and prayed. I've done all kinds of things, but right now I'm experiencing the very human dillemas of single-parenting, struggling with insufficient finances, saying farewell to my only child who will soon be leaving for school in California, and dealing with aging parents, including my father who has slipped into some kind of horrible, difficult and challenging malaise -- probably representative a mix of Alzeheimers with senility and a manic episode.

Lectures and ranting/raving by my dad over the last several weeks (and especially today) have thrown me off-center, and I wonder/worry when I get wacked-out like this, if I've got mania too. It's been so long now since I've had a bonafide "spiritual experience" (other than that of being a spiritual being having a human experience), that I'm starting to wonder if I didn't make all these things up.

You know, as I do, however, when you experience these things -- they are rock solid and more rooted in the essence of reality than anything one has encountered in human/physical form. At least I hope you do.

Other than that -- what would you like to talk about?

I am feeling cut-off and bereft. I am tired of keeping secret about these things I know of (i.e., playing dumb, and pretending along with everyone else, that "this" is all there is, and this is all we know).

I wonder how to cultivate the connections again -- but from my experience -- making those connections has required intense, ardent, authentic and honest reaching -- and I've been -- well, a bit preoccupied.

How are things going for you? Would love to continue the dialogue with someone who's truly been there/done that/experienced some of the elements of the unseen realms. I am sincere, and hope you are, too.





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