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Re: losing it, getting it back beardedlady

Posted by jay on July 1, 2002, at 11:05:25

In reply to Re: losing it, getting it back jay, posted by beardedlady on June 30, 2002, at 6:27:48

> You could certainly see it that way, and I have. But I guess I truly believe in attitude adjustments. I am living proof that they work--and do so to your advantage. When I hear the birds, I don't ever think about the day I won't hear them anymore. When I see an amazing light from the sky--colors and shadows and intensity--I don't think about death or winding up in hell, nor do I think about god. I just think how absolutely beautiful it is.
> Living in the moment has its advantages.
> Even with our depression and our ADD and OCD and all the other mental illnesses we have, I still believe we can do plenty of things to help ourselves. Changing self-pity to acceptance, perhaps (which doesn't mean you stop trying to improve your lot--ever!), can make all the difference. It has in me. I am far less moody and pessimistic than I was when I first got insomnia and panic.
> So that was the key for me. You can still be a cynical fatalist (that's what many of us are) and enjoy those little moments. You just have to figure out where your G-spot is and keep your finger on the button for awhile until you like feeling that way so much you search for it everywhere.
> beardy : )>

Thanks for the great post, Beardy. I really like your analogies..really!..hehe. I think it is honestly the 'cycling' of this illness, not just bipolar, but everything...the flux of the depression and anxiety. I think so many of us are so scared of waking up anxious and depressed, it becomes automatic. Then we get better days where we break out of the cycle, and then get fearful and depressed about it's possible return, that we get, as it is often said, "..depressed about being depressed". There is a strong component of fear here, and I *really* think it is the anxiety that drives people to all of the associated behaviours.

That's what I really see...a lot of very, very scared, terrified people..and I see it in myself. We are depressed about where we have been, or something that happened, and terrified and anxious about what *will* happen. It is indeed a vicious, unrelentless, inhumane cycle. It's really nihilistic, and fatalistic, and even beyond my "previous" cynical views. I think it's when we look back at that old self, and see we could draw the line in our cynicism, but can't now (or when we are in a deep depression esp.)

So, I do believe that when we get our 'better' days, we should run as fast and hard as we can with them, and *not* become comfortable with having depression and anxiety.(Or whatever we have!) I guess, it's sorta like "living for the moment"...and going for that 'emotional G-Spot'..I like I don't mean to be offensive, but feeling good 'on life' is almost something like an 'emotional orgasm'. It's a matter of sustaining that..and celebrating a moment as it turns into one more. Really, it is 'One Little Victory' each day we can beat the demons and the phantoms.

Am I being too happy for a Cynical Fatalist? :-)





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