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'cruel compassion'

Posted by Christ_empowered on December 18, 2021, at 18:44:18

it's from an essay Szasz. I've mostly given up on reading Szasz these days, because...I'm living it, lol. :-)

OK. So, now, my community-wide (and, by extension, more or less my social-wide label) is "Schizophrenic." ugh. my own -personal- situation in living with the label of "Schizophrenia" is frustrating, at times, but not at all terrible...because of my family. If it wasn't for my family, it'd be unbearable. true story.

so...cruel compassion. In general, it means "oh, he cannot help it; he has SCHIZOPHRENIA," on and on. of the labels play out in each individual's life will differ, based on: age, gender, social class, and all sorts of other factors that...wait for it, wait for it...affect everyone's experience of life ("social location") everywhere, all the time. :-)

but my situation? some neighbors openly taunt (talk about me, loudly enough for me to overhear...but not to or with me... me with "he should be in the STATE HOSPITAL," stuff like that. and the thing is...

there's not much of a long term state hospital left, these days. a big part of it was gutted as part of the latest phase of "the recovery model" (read: heavy drugging, state subsidized the community...), so that's not a major concern. my "symptoms" are vastly improved, which I attribute to family reconciliation, much improved living situation, and better overall health..

but that's often not the point, is it? even in the 21st century? the former private practice "providers" wanted money and money and power and control...but now the mix of factors have made that difficult for them to achieve. the current community/public health providers seem professional enough, at my face...

but I get taunted -at the clinic- and its become abundantly clear that labeled pariahs need not expect privacy, confidentiality, etc. Fun fact: I was getting gas in my parents' small town the other day, and some angry-sounding lady literally yelled out the name of my "atypical." yup. filling up my gas tank, some lady yells out "ABILIFY!," and I'm just..

ok. wow. did I mention that I'm considered a "trouble maker" ? long, long story...everyone has one...

the "trouble maker" aspect is what has made me fear the possibility of commitment, my particular case, it seems it would take a whole, whole lot for that to happen...

which probably explains the ongoing, open animosity towards me. cannot have me evicted. cannot have me committed. the former private practice people cannot get money from my family or me. and so...

-this- . beats any alternative my community has for me, no doubt, but...

ugh. what's the point of never ending "treatment," again? I'm wondering...




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