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2021 has been good to me - a personal account.

Posted by SLS on August 16, 2021, at 12:42:49


Hello, fellow Babblers.

The first half of this post is relevant to the community as an example of successful treatment of a severe and seemingly intractable case of (bipolar) depression that has lasted 44 years and treated unsuccessfully for 41 years.

I am currently improving rapidly, and as best as I can tell, I am headed for full remission.

I added Nardil about a year ago. The onset of improvement was rapid at first. But I found myself needing to play with the dosage constantly. Then, I became suspicions that my dosage of nortriptyline was TOO HIGH. I had been taking 100 mg/day for a bunch of years, assuming that my being within the right range of therapeutic blood levels indicated that I was being dosed properly. Nortriptyline is the ONLY tricyclic for which there is a narrow therapeutic window that one must be within. If you go above a certain dosage, you relapse. After stopping nortriptyline completely for one day and leaving the Nardil dosage the same at 90 mg/day I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. Bingo. My doctor advised me to restart nortriptyline at 50 mg/day. That was the right move, but I ended up relapsing. 75 mg/day is the magic number for me. I am now improving rapidly at a steady rate and at a steady dosage of Nardil.


Nardil - 90 mg/day
nortriptyline - 75 mg/day
Lamictal (brand name for lamotrigine) - 300 mg/day
Lithium - 300 mg/day

I had to wait 12 weeks after starting Nardil before an improvement emerged. Of course, much of this delay was the result of the titration process. However, this time, I purposely started with half a pill and increased the dosage very gradually in the hopes that I would not TRIGGER side effects in the first place. I was just following a hunch. The side effects I usually get from Nardil never appeared, even when taking 120 mg/day. Previously, I could not urinate and came close to going to the hospital on several occasions for a catheter. Postural hypotension often made me have to kneel on the ground from almost feinting. Anorgasmia was pretty much the same.

An incredible blessing. I had come down to this one last treatment. My doctor and I had run out of ideas.

Now for the 2021 part:

In addition to finding my healing, I found someone - or rather she found me - who now lives in Vermont. I live in NJ. She said that she knew me, but I didn't have a clue as to where from. It turns out that she used to live in my home town and was my younger brother's prom date. I was actually in the same room with her. My brother brought her over to introduce her, but I didn't pay any attention to her. I was too busy trying to set up a humorous picture to be taken with my brother. I was shaking his hand in a really funny pose. Melissa stood pretty far away to give us room. Anyway, she took a liking to me (older brother syndrome) and never forgot me. I was her fantasy for a while, it seems.

41 years later...

I laugh now because I can truly say to my brother that I screwed his prom date. So, of course I said it to him. How could I not? For some reason, I failed to tickle his funny bone with that one. From what I understand, he didn't get "lucky" on prom night.

Melissa and I have been communicating since February. We have seen each other only four times. She had had a bad marriage and an even worse divorce. She wasn't sure that she would ever want to marry again. I wasn't happy to hear that, but I told her that I would take her any way I could get her, but not marrying would break my heart. I guess I should mention that I fell in love. Among so many other things, we have that in common. As we lied side by side in bed together to go to sleep, I told Melissa that I would try not to bring up the subject of marriage if and until she was ready. I had a very simple solution. I told her that if there ever came the right time for her, that *she* would have to ask *me* to marry *her*. At most, five seconds passed before she uttered my name.

Like I said, 2021 has been good to me so far.

Isnt it ridiculous for me to use such subdued language?

2021 is f*ck*ng great!

- Scott

Some see things as they are and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.




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