Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Grief...the most intense form of depression??

Posted by jay2112 on April 11, 2021, at 19:42:05

(I don't mean to put one mental pain as worse than another..honestly.) Warning...SI triggers.

I have been struggling with complicated grief for over 30 years. I think I have told my story here. Best friend to suicide by gun at 17...Fiance and child at 27...Mom and Dad one year apart in 2013-2014. And now, losing the dog my Dad got for me two months to the day.

Scientific American reported in the medical journal Lancet, that traumatic grief seems to be followed by what they simply call "Broken Heart Syndrome.." hormonal stress chemicals go off the charts, often simulating a heart attack. Levels of these chemicals up to 30x more than in a test subject. I have been suicidal, and attempted suicide a number of times. Antidepressants, without antipsychotics, leave me very, very vulnerable.

My most recent episode, losing my dog,has been so deeply trying, we are still working hard to 'trick' my brain, and slowly put a stop to the heartbreak and tears. The literature comes up mostly blank in how to treat this. The DSM-V, mercifully, took away the 30 day waiting period, for after a close death, to medically treat grief.
There seems to be a super-hyper adrenal action, but beta-blockers, no matter the dose, lead to nightmares and more tears.

I used to respond good to Serzone, with it's various serotonin blocking, but norepinephrine increase, combined with nortriptyline. Then, I started developing horrible nightmares, and more intense suicidal dreams and thoughts.

I won't say the med combo I am on now, because I don't want to jinx myself. But, I would like to try clozapine with my other meds. My pdoc will likely protest, but he knows how deep I am in it all. So, maybe. I don't respond well to many antipsychotics.

I am 51, and kinda feel like I am running out of time. And no, 'dropping' the meds puts the Hell even closer. I can't take lithium because I have kidney disease. I am trying very, very hard to carry on. I am on government disability, but badly want to get some work to bring in a bit of money. Living in poverty does not does buy you some security. And I am scared....24/7. I don't want to go into the hospital because of the death scent of covid. People with disabilities are being left behind...especially if you are older.

The only ray of hope I have is in potentially adopting a kitty. I need some new life. I have signed up for mental health supportive housing. I refuse to go into a group-home, because I NEED control over my own meds, and independence those places stifle. (I worked in those places for years..they are prisons.)

I don't know what to say anymore..I am sorry. :(


Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
-Don Miguel Ruiz-




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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:jay2112 thread:1114513