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Re: What is OCD? For those that don't know....

Posted by Bill82 on February 11, 2015, at 21:21:36

In reply to What is OCD? For those that don't know...., posted by ed_uk2010 on February 11, 2015, at 19:29:18

Yea I havnt mentioned my main obsession resolving sex but it is one of the classic ones and you mentioned it on the page. I masturbate to check that I am not arroused to the thoughts, which can last for hours. As for impotence, that was one of my previous obsessions and actually partly how this all started emotionally for me. I was in college and was really drunk and couldn't get it up. Was worried what this meant. At the time I really like a girl and started to worry that this may affect my relationship with her. So I would spend hours worrying that I would be impotent low t had a varicocele, my varococile would lower my t levels eventually, ssri would only worsen the problem....etc. then at this point through reasearch I knew I most likely had an anxiety disorder and ocd for a lot of the pictures. Ironically, at first I saw the obbsession I had now and laughed saying wow that is weird how could you doubt that. Then the thought got stuck in my head that since I had ocd I too could develop that type, and after a day or so of worrying my topic changed and ocd exploded. Since then I have left school, then work, and now struggle to exist at times haha. The girl is long gone and at times I ponder if I want to be celibate after all this sh*t, but I am still almost instinctually aversive to anything that could impact my libido. This is disregarding the main obbsession I have now which is what truly is unbearable, and only reason I havnt named it exactly is I am scared if I write it someone may see it or it may come true ect. Pretty dumb but idk maybe that's why they say so many people go without treatment. In accepting my obbsession I feel it would ruin the ability for me to ever love again, and it greatly depresses me, and takes the life out of everything else I enjoy. However if I combat the compulsions, my desire and drive for my past life still lives, so that is why I say I balance between the two. As for what you say acceptance truly is at the end, I do tell myself that all the time, but I continually doubt it and still wonder what if ect. On top of all this I am also unfortunate to be particularly med sensitive. Although part of me thinks I am making it up and lying or imagining the symptoms they still exist physically. So I have been having trouble finding something that is tolerable atm. I have been able to push through the thing with the ocd and impotence side effects of meds, but I get other things like vocal tics and shouting for no reason and dripping that just becomes unmanigible. I hope that clears some of the stuff up, sorry I was not more clear I just can't seem to be clearer even though I know I'm being stupid haha. Also I agree with you that more people should know about this, as a lot if people who don't tank as bad as I did( of me if I was still ocd about being impotent or having aids) would or will most likely just keep it that way and not seek help for the same reason I am not specific here. They do t want to take the risk as it could potentially destroy the life they love. This can lead to even worse ocd and even substance abuse which can be end all. But thanks for the time to put forth that description it will help a lot in other people understanding what exactly is ocd.




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