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Mental hospital and delisions

Posted by Zyprexa on August 28, 2014, at 5:18:19

In reply to Intubation and delisions, posted by 90%there on August 18, 2014, at 18:40:37

I had a similar experience in the mental hospital. The delusions and all.

I spent most of the time during my first 3 month stay, in a dream like state. Could not get out of it as much as I wanted to. Don't know if it was the drugs they were giving me or the ECTs or just my mental state, or maybe all of it?

I spent most of the time in a bed in a room having demented dreams, delusional, catatonic, and unable to wake up. I would dream of the people I knew in the past as if they were there and I could not talk to them. I was very depressed. I still don't know how much of this has anything to do with reality or if I dreamed it all. I know people came to visit me in the hospital, just not sure who, or if it was the people in my dreams. I did ocasionaly wake up, although it seemed to happen once in a million years. I still could not get out of bed. I do remember hearing the nurses going into the room next to mine all the time, and it sounded as if they were torturing the guy next door the screams and they would drag him out into the hall atacking each other with pillows. That is one thing I belive was real. I don't remember much of this 3 month stay, but it was scary, like being in a dungion or torture chamber locked in a room on all types of drugs that must have been putting me to sleep. I only remember being out of the room a few times, which seemed sureal. I once remember eating in the luch room where there were all these people who seems sort of like zombies. Just out of it and hunched over eating. No one talking. Don't remember the food. Another time I remember playing chess with an older guy who I don't remember much about. Another time I was in the smoking room and some guy smoked a joint with me. There was a realy weird memory or being in the the OR where they had the metal cage on my head with gooey stuff. I vagely remember anouther guy who was well built taking me to the gym. And one time my parents and brother came and visited me in bed and gave me a nintendo hand held device. I don't remember what was talked about. I know dad brought me cigs one time, because I could not buy them myself. I was greatfull. Even though I know he didn't belive in them. The rest was a dream. I dreamt that I was in a time warp where I had tunal vision. A cloudy tornado shaped tunal into the sky. I think I also dreamed that they had my head programed with a chip in it and they were always hooking it up to a computer. Idreamed that often. I know I was given ECTs there but have no memorys of this. Anouther time I went out of the room in the middle of the night and went to the front desk where the nurses were eating chines food and gave me a bite. I think I still dream of this hospital stay some times, when I have realy psychotic dreams. Like I had yesterday. I dreamed I was dreaming and holucinating in the dream, it was a very alter reality.

Anyways that was my first stay.

I have no memory of leaving the hospital, or how I eventualy got out. It was like prison in hell.

My second hospital stay, different hospital, was more rememberable. Not sure why I remembered things better in the second hospital. Still was like prison and not much fun. But there were a few fun moments. Like when I played a trick on the cute nurse, when I was in the bathroom there was a string to pull for assistance. And I pulled it she came in and looked at me then left. Also they had a pool table which I played a lot. And a smokers room where I bumed cigs off the new guy who was always visiting some one there . I thought that his cigs had crack in them for some reason. Don't know if it was true or just all the meds they had me on in the hospital. One time I even escaped the locked in ward, by going through a laberenth of doors I got out to the outer hallway and walked past the kitchen and out to an open door to the out doors. I said I was free, but then got scared and went back into the mental ward. I do remember getting the ECTs at this hospital. They would rush in the bed room at like 6 am and put me on a gurny and rush me to the OR where they always put a needle in my wrist which would knock me out and then I would wake up in a recovery room with lots of other people on gurnys, kind of passed out and out of it or just plain asleep. Never knew what drugs they were giving me in either hospital. They would come around with a cart with little paper cups full of meds and tell to to take it. Wish I knew what they were giving me. Just know the drugs had a weird sensation after taking them. Hard to explain but maybe like I was on acid or something and sort of in a different head space, different reality . I don't know but it was weird! Aparently I meet with people who I knew on the outside as patients in each hospital stay, but have no recolection of meeting them. It was two girls I knew. I do remember atleast once calling my I think she was an exgirlfriend at the time from the pay phone in the ward. Can't remember any of the conversation. I do remember that the food was good in this hospital. It was sort of like what they gave you on the airplane in the old days when they actualy gave you meals. Once again I don't know what happened to get let out of this hospital. But I was not the same person when I left. I was very spacy and thought blocking supposidly, but the truth is I just could not think of anything. My brain was literaly dead. I'm asuming from all the ECTs they gave me. I remember have atleast 1 ECT every 1-3 days for an entire month. I was not functional at all. I scared people who did not know me like the atendant at the gas station who told me to get out of her store. Not sure what I did to deserve that? I was just looking at the cigs. I was with my dad. Not sure if I was on any meds at this time. I was in the midst of a move from Canada to the USA. When I got to the US they tried me on many different meds that did nothing to fix my psychosis. I was delusional every time I went out of the house to the doctors. I though all the drivers of all the other cars on the road were looking at me and thinking things about it. It was like a parade of hell, made me very anxious and paranoid. Didn't even talk to the doctor when I got there. He had to talk to my parents just to get any info. Eventualy he tried me on free samples of zyprexa. Well that was the end of all the hell. I was normal and eating again. Started working and getting out of the house and making friends. Well I've been on that drug ever since and and my life is sort of normal again. Thank god for zyprexa. Been on that since '98.

So that is my story.




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