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Intubation and delisions

Posted by 90%there on August 18, 2014, at 18:40:37

Just returned home after my 2nd intubation. They had to stop all my psychmeds (except quetiapine &
clonazepam). that's strait off 3 antidepressants (MAOI, bupropion & amitriptyline). NOT FUNNY. Cant make heed nor tale as to what went on. On discharge I was informed that about 80% of intubated patients have delusions to some degree. Mine was 'triggered' by drink. And probably the crack on top which I rarely partake in. Wasn't very strong anyway. maybe it was poorly made or 'dirty'. Well, In turn I overslept forgetting to take my insulin, in turn making me keep forgetting. forgetting my psych meds
AND insulin (diabetes). Until I had kidney failure. Couldn't eat or breath on my own. Thought I was dead/dying much of the time and in another part of the world much of it too. Breathing apparatus of face. Disc in neck. Pills went into a tube by-passing my neck. upped my clonazepam from 2mg twice daily to 5mg in the morn - WACK! Zopiclone at night but that stopped gave me high BP & headaches. Hadn't a clue what really went on but I really also do think a 'few' nurses tried 'having a laugh' at mine and other's expense. Can I prove it?? Of course not but the memories are just like any others. Sh*t. Dam scary. I've had bad trips but with no 'participation' in drug taking (of any kind) plus coming straight off bupropion, amitriptyline and an MAOI without realizing it, it just all seemed and still seems so real. Like a chapter from start to end. What happened to me happened. there was no 'alternative' state of mind. At one point I was being observed by phantoms too. It didn't scare me like seeing a ghost might. But there was a nurse called Rose who seemed infatuated with me. Every time I looked at her she looked away at 1st. When she came and told me she had feelings I saw a shape in her white nurses gown. I touched it. It felt like a meat clever. I asked why she wanted to kill me. "Why not?" was the reply.
I'm slowly remembering this crap as I write. Bare with me. She had bizarre glasses with a cuckoo clock design. I remember bending them out of place to upset her. The cuckoo, I realised just yesterday was from the bleeping monitors. one of which was much like a clock chime. Rose? Figment of my imagination I guess.
Is this anything like the nightmare which schizoid paranoia sufferers have to endure? Is there a difference? I had no wibble-wobble-slidey distortions or colours as in LSD type
hallucinations. NO strange geometric shapes or colours with or without eyes closed either (I had a few chances to test these things) but snakes and parasites yes. Could never quite make them out tho, but could see them moving in the ward. Much of the time I thought I was waiting to die. BY CHOICE! It was like they were keeping me alive to make me suffer. Feltamitriptyline life leave me. Then felt like a fresh corpse creating scary atmospheres for staff/people in my surroundings. Sending chills up peoples spines. Maybe my 6th sense WAS working (um...) It often would all seem like play rehearsals. All just from being laying it a bed. My reality was REAL and the ONLY one possible during my ideal. I'm slowly putting the pieces together. Surprised I'm out already.

As I said this was the 2nd time. The 1st intubation was more intriguing than scary and more general hallucinations despite convincing (like writing everywhere) but I never totally lost grip. In fact 1st time I was awake 9 of the last 10 days. This time I tried to stay awake but couldn't. 1st time I was switched from clonazepam to chlordiazepoxide in huge doses, this time I stayed on clonazepam but bigger dose (5mg in the morning! CLUNK!! Was that the difference?

They said they did a scan (think a cat scan) and found a slight abnormality in the brain.....(I was very amnesic most of the time despite having a sharp memory of it now. I believe I have brain damage from my teenage use of mixing psychedelics with other crap (speed, coke, Mcat, ketamine etc) Alcoholic too but I did notice my tolerance to drink dropped just before my ordeal. But im not sure if what it found was bad wiring or a foreign body. Bit worried really.
Closest thing I've ever ingested with effects anywhere like this is with Salvia, but thankfully its short acting (if smoked).
Was discharged Saturday, still very weak but sane enough. Please feel welcome to share anything.





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