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Re: Adding Parnate and prazosin. papillon2

Posted by SLS on March 12, 2012, at 0:42:36

In reply to Re: Adding Parnate and prazosin., posted by papillon2 on March 11, 2012, at 21:01:09

> > I didn't say that I couldn't write.

> > For every paragraph that I struggle to read, I can easily write ten. My problem is not with getting the information out. It is with getting the information in.
> >
> > I hope that helps to illuminate things.

> I have found this personally illuminating. I have some cognitive deficits, I know it. I have not forgotten my prior abilities. But when I tell my psychiatrist she doesn't believe me nor appreciate my distress.
>
> Her never having seen me sans-depression would be a factor, but maybe there's something similar going on.


Yes. The ability to speak well using big words despite depression is a blessing and a curse. Few people even realize that it takes practice and effort to accomplish this. At first, the doctors at the NIH were concerned that I might not be depressed enough to enter their research program. However, after observing me for a few weeks, they understood the dissonance between how I spoke and how I felt. At the study blind breaking, they revealed to me that I was one of the worst cases they had ever seen. I spent the better part of 9 months sitting in a chair, staring off into space. I didn't have the mental energy to focus my eyes on the TV. Later, a professor at New York University called my condition "horrendous". I cried because I felt vindicated. It was reassuring that someone finally understood the severity of my condition.

I have never really described to the Psycho-Babble community in detail how I experience depression. It is only recently that I have done so. I think this has something to do with my feeling better and experiencing an awakening. My thoughts are now clearer and I am perhaps more motivated to write these things. The better I feel, the greater is my understanding of the severity of my suffering. At my present rate of progress, I expect that it will take another year to reach full remission. However, I should be able to go to work before that.

I pray that my emerging from depression doesn't follow the patterns of response seen in "Awakenings". I saw the movie. I did not read the book. I imagine the book was even more wrenching than the movie.


- Scott


Some see things as they are and ask why.
I dream of things that never were and ask why not.

- George Bernard Shaw

 

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poster:SLS thread:1005781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120302/msgs/1012853.html