Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Hopeless but still functioning

Posted by rjlockhart04=08 on January 9, 2012, at 21:12:47

You know one of things that bothers me so much is that I tell people whats going on but it doesnt ever help me personally because I still have much misery I live through. When I wake up, i get up and am depressed but I don't show it, its like I tell people and they don't see it. Its like its "hidden" and only attacks me when I'm very vunerable to depression and have misery periods that I feel like actually feeling like life would be better if I wasnt here. See these are the aspects that keep me alive, that I still have future. See right now it just feels everything has ended and it feels like I'm alive but danmed or dead.

DARS is coming along fine, soon I will see a job placement agent, i've already taken alll the psychological/vocational assesment tests for it.

But anyways...
Life is gloomy to me and I do feel like I'm dead inside. I do occationsally have spirits of life that bring me out of the dumps I am in, like going out with friends and going to clubs and just stuff that makes people happy doing. Still, no matter how much fun I have the depression, or better quoted the "misery" always returns.

Right now a major factor of this depression is that I still live at home and have no income. And of course that is my fault and I don't have anyone to blame but myself. Another factor is that I feel that I can never fuction normally again. Alot of things cause this but you know even If I still had a house to myself and had stimulants paticuar onces. I would still be sad. I rerember when I was on Dexedrine I still was miserable and sometimes the dexedrine made me hate my life even more than what I already hated because it stimulates thoughts of whatever is existing in your brain. I rerember the days when I already had everything I wanted and still wanted to not be here. One because I worked for my brother who is attorney and he would be so mean to me about getting things done. It hurt me and I would use alcohol on top of Xanax to combat the rebound period of the Dexedrine around 5-6pm. Those where very miserable times.

It always helps to count the things you have. Even thought I rather not and choose to be sad. Either way its my fault and choice to be this way. I don't need to complain to people about how miserable I am when it was a choice I made. It's just so hard to not be depressed in this catch 22 situation.




Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.


Start a new thread

Google www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:rjlockhart04=08 thread:1006827