Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: I'm starting to regret my hate messages

Posted by zatar on September 30, 2011, at 10:58:19

In reply to I'm starting to regret my hate messages, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on September 25, 2011, at 23:07:22

We are going through the same thing with my 22 year old daughter. She is living at home, resents it, but finds it difficult to apply for a job due to anxiety and dysthymia, and needs to learn basic life skills. It's not for lack of trying - she's worked with therapists on social and life skills, been to summer camps for this sort of thing, etc. But it has reached a critical point. As I discussed with her when she said that therapy didn't work before - she wasn't ready before and was passive in therapy, like an empty vessel wanting to be filled. So she entered a residential program three weeks ago that has primarily young adults, for individual and group therapy, to learn life skills, participate in their "social integration model" (doing things together as a group). I see evidence that the honeymoon phase is ending, as she is now bringing up her discomfort talking to new people and the group, but she agrees that maybe this is exactly what she needs and that if you experience some discomfort, then maybe this is what you need to work on. Her anger is necessary for her to reach a place where she sees the need for change and can be an active participant in it.

Matt, look at your anger as being necessary for change. You've got to go through the 5 stages of coping to move one: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Maybe you're finally ready to do something about it. And some of your responses to posters show a level of maturity about them; recognizing that you need to do something, that you need to learn to handle things differently. So maybe you are ready to make change.

I encourage you to ask around about resources, as one of the above posters suggested. While it is difficult doing this when you are stressed and at your lowest, perhaps this is something your parents or others can help you with.

Moving out may help, but it should also be accompanied by therapy and support. You don't want yet another reason to beat yourself up (you don't know what to do, you pay your bills late, you forget to take your medications, etc.). I see very clearly that my daughter needs a total package: finding the right medication, therapy, immersion in real life situations, and learning life skills first supported, then moving to a group apartment where she can still attend therapy, group and activities at the residential location before finally being able to live on her own. While I know you cannot afford a situation like this, just be aware that you should aim for a multi pronged approach: therapy, support, life skills, real life exposure.

And know in advance that the road will be bumpy. It is for any young adult. I told my daughter that I WANT her to make mistakes. She is so afraid of failing that she doesn't even try. But you need to fall off the bicycle to learn to ride it on your own. And maybe you can find a friend or relative to serve as a "life coach" for you, as your ADHD seems to present a significant challenge. Failure with executive functions (organization, time management, etc.) is stressful and can exacerbate other disorders (anxiety, depression, bipolar). And check out books about young adults with ADHD. They often have helpful suggestions to get more organized. You can pick one or two things and work on them. Sometimes starting small lessens the burden enough to clear your mind and work on other issues.

Good luck to you, Matt.





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