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Re: no good news SLS

Posted by floatingbridge on July 6, 2011, at 9:50:16

In reply to Re: no good news, posted by SLS on July 6, 2011, at 5:52:08

Scott, what does BPD stand for? If borderline, well I have tried to tell people I have those features. If Bipolar, I have had that nos thing given and taken away.

I have looked for mood stability all my life. Maybe now that I am older, I don't know. Mood stabilizers. I was at least better off on a little lithium than this.

I haven't a clue as to treatment protocol for borderline stuff besides therapy. I really feel like if this keeps up, I will become delirious. Lucid. Delirious. Because it is an onslaught. People think I can control this. I don't know what is happening. I don't insult anyone. I seem so reasonable.

I have never tried to hurt myself or anyone else. I tried to tell people how much things hurt and just please make it stop. Then doctors have either just said, you just need to go home and calm down. I really don't want to be drugged the way I saw women at the hospital. Their faces were twitching, and they were still crying.

If I can get out of this, once Morgan said 60%. How about a 60% med? My last doctor said oh hurrah you'll be 100% let's go aren't you wonderful. I don't think that was helpful thinking.

At least pristiq was a plug. No one round here does maoi's. They look at me when I bring them up like, what are you talking about lady? But the fear never really rested on an snri, nor the ups and downs. But at least I didn't shout in public nor jump out of cars.

By the time I got to the ER, I was exhausted. By the time anyone saw me, I was just tired and drifting.

My husband has decided some kind of intervention is necessary. But what? To get serious help, one has to say that one is suicidal. I was crying. I said no. I told the anxiety clinic and the ER that want to
live. I don't know why I love life. But last night I slept and woke and the thoughts would scrape me flat in my dreams. I mean, if this keeps up, I don't know if just dying looks good. Yesterday I knew why guns are a bad idea. Because when I was jumping out of the car I thought like a flicker, just f*ck*ng shoot me please. But if I told anyone, my husband or a doctor, they would make that thought permanent. Maybe lock me up and take away my rights. I was shouting at my husband that I am a human being. He's scared to pieces because he's like I know why are you shouting like that. I don't know either. I am just trying to get a doctor to give me an AD.

I am very tired of being called complicated.

No one is awake here yet. My son was
with his aunt during all this. But I will have to face him today. It's early. I have to f*ck*ng call on the phone. Cold calls. My husband is going to help.

I am falling through a lot of cracks right now.


>I would just reiterate to you what others have said. This bad time will surely be over for you soon. You might even be better for the experience. I wonder if the clinicians will conclude that there is a little BPD going on. (I am not so sure that BPD applies to you). In any event, I encourage you to make full disclosure to your mental health professionals of what you think and feel. The sooner you decide not to attempt to please everyone else, the sooner you will be able to please yourself.
>
> I wish for you your healing, no matter what the ailments that are to be treated.
>
>
> - Scott


 

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poster:floatingbridge thread:990267
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110630/msgs/990322.html