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Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?

Posted by qbsbrown on April 5, 2010, at 11:36:40

In reply to Re: Trileptal, why do you do this to me?, posted by ed_uk2010 on April 5, 2010, at 8:49:23

> Brian,
> So, let me get this right. You're now taking...
> Trileptal 300mg three times a day
> Lyrica 200mg three times a day
> Diazepam 20mg three times a day
> Your morning hypomania and afternoon depression have both reduced. You aren't suffering any inter-dose symptoms with diazepam. I think you also said that you feel slightly intoxicated.
> If this is correct, I think you will be able to start reducing diazepam soon. The intoxicated feeling suggests that the diazepam dose is actually a bit too high, which should mean that it will be easy to reduce at first.
> Is the voice in your head any less intrusive today? It sounds awful.

trileptal 300 3x, morning hypomania seemingly gone, afternoon bad physical illness seemingly gone, and just a little depressive side
yesterday afternoon
yesterday was lyrica 175mgs 3x, and was planning on the same today. tomorrow, could i go to 200 3x a day? I tolerate fine, and it helps.
diaz 20mgs 3s a day, no interdose

Personally, i think the slight intoxicated feeling was/is from lyrica, i could be wrong. For sure felt no intoxication from 6mgs of xanax, which would be equivalent.
I know the sedated, drunk, depressive, irritable feeling from diaz, and this didn't feel like it.

My own voice in general, is a LITTLE less intrusive, repetetive, asnswering future questions, telling stories, running commentary, intrusive images etc.

At many times, i still wonder if i am bipolar, as diagnosed 2 times and need to dope myself on these drugs highly.

I remember being on a high dose of trileptal 1800 last winter, frantically calling my dr asking if we could go to the max, 2400 (maybe even on zyprexa too), and him saying fine, but i've never had a patient on that high of a dose, cause i was still having racing thoughts (mind you i was on 3mgs ativan for sleep, interdose could have been brutal and a big cause). thiking of times i needed 30mgs of zyprexa to drive. Times i needed 2000mgs of depakote to slow me enough to stay in a hotel alone. Albeit i was always a drugged up idiot and not happy, and as i tried to mention, saw ugly depressive existentially ugly things in the the environment, and disgust in people. I often wonder these things, and have an obsessional habit (muscle testing) to see/think if i am. Even though as i also mention, back from detox in middle east, and off of drugs, i felt great, only to have racing thoughts after 5 days, which could have been benzo wd, and much more withdrawal.

On the bright side, I found out that i would have inernet access in the mountains of california.

I had a great interview with a school in south korea yesterday, yeah yeah, i know, traveling to a foreign country and teaching in my state, albeit it's teaching english, and the curriculum is laid out, no teacher planning, i might actually enjoy it greatly, as even now, i love tutoring english online. Maybe having my own autonomay away from my parents. I don't know what would/could aggrivate this, and what could make it better.

As i saw my doc, kind of a jerk, i told him about my idea of going to the mountains in california, and he's like, let's get your stable first. And i'm like WHAT THE HELL IS STABLE???

Ok, i'll stop now





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