Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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If it ain't broke don't fix it?

Posted by Zana on April 20, 2009, at 16:11:45

So, I am working with a new pdoc, first one I've seen since my old one dumped in frustration after 15 years. Bear with me; I know a lot of you have read this stuff before.
Am feeling a fair amount of confidence in her but she's a little what? loose, breezy, casual? She makes me feel a little nervous about my meds for reasons I can't quite put my finger on. And I am taking a lot of meds: 50mg Pristiq; 100mgs Provigil; 900mg gabapentin; 45mg Remeron; 300mgs Seroquel; 3mg Klonopin.
My diagnosis is major depression- has been for a long time. I became profoundly depressed about a year and a half ago when it became clear that my husband was about to lose his 4th job in 9 years. I have not been able to work for 5 years. I was bearly able to leave my bedroom or the house for about 9 months.
Since starting the Pristiq, I have been feeling better. But, you know how it goes, they never stop a med before adding a new one and before you know it you are taking a stew of pharmaceuticals and have no idea what any one of them is doing good, bad or indifferent.
It bugs me. It distresses me. I have no idea what is going on under all these meds. I have no idea which of them is helping and which are hurting. But I am feeling better. Maybe it's not important to know if I really need 300 mgs of Seroquel. Maybe it's OK to take 45 mgs of Remeron even though 15 would put me to sleep and it didn't seem to have any AD effect for me. But maybe the 45mgs of Remeron is keeping me from becoming agitated on the Pristiq, which has been a common result for me on SSRIs and SNRIs.
My old pdoc dumped me because she had run out of ideas. I went to a highly touted pdoc for a consult and he didn't have any new ideas except to try Pristiq and to add risperidone or substitute it for Seroquel.
So I should be happy, right? I am not terribly depressed right now, dispite the fact that my husband is out of work and we may lose our home. I guess we could say the meds are working.
But I feel very unsettled. Maybe it's the Provigil. Maybe it's me. I feel like I never know anymore what's me and what's the meds. I don't think I could live without them and I hate that!
I hate being dependent on this pdoc, on the meds, on my husband. My whole life feels dependent on external forces. It s*cks.




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