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Re: Hi FF - here's a list for you!!

Posted by Fivefires on March 27, 2009, at 4:59:31

In reply to Hi FF - here's a list for you!! Fivefires, posted by 10derHeart on March 23, 2009, at 22:24:27

10derheart: It means a lot you were able to do this. Maybe there are some limits or boundaries or worries.

Want all know, if you have a joint on your table and I pick it up, hands down I take responsibility for my actions, prob' too much so; can't remember ever blaming anyone for mistakes, but those w/ intent to harm me, and even they I sometimes give benefit of doubt. Most know me; Think I've said this b4.

Well, as all ways, thank you for reading this and being here with me and my thoughts.

Day came to psychologist visit followed by pdoc visit. What happened was I found a psychologist (want to try psychodynamic therapy).

Okay, this doc appt first. Very kind, appropriate, soothing voice, smile, few years older than I. I'd fax'd him a rundown of my life (#children, #relationships, #jobs, critical moments) to give heads up. Later tell you what occurred. (Sorry, keep going back and forth, and repeating myself.)

Appt w/ pdoc was right after the aforementioned appointment. Pdoc appts are usually called 'med. mngt appts'. I was called the day b4 and it was termed a 'meeting'. If didn't say, requested advocate, didn't get, so fam' member and another fam' member spkrphone w/ me.

(Okay, Yes. I finished and I'm editing, but I can't pull together better. I'm making it worse. You'll prob' get the gist. Breathing fast; must lie down. Sorry.)

Pt1. I'd filed a complaint at CM sayin' a thing inappropriate & CM and Super were caught in a lie. Still.I offer bygones. Didn't ask for apology as those mixture of rationalization and who's the ill one here, those offensive placating statments; are worthless.

Day b4 appt, rec'd call reminding me of my 'meeting'(?). I didn't know why referring to my med mngt appt as a meeting. Whoops; should have told all this first. At this reference to 'meeting', I asked for a nonpartial advocate (didn't get), but fam' member and another via skrphone re: 'eight police vehicles and someone was coming to take me away', incident, were there. This is the lie part. It was a mistake on part of caregivers.

Pt 2 Med mngt. Told him muscle rigidity really aggravated my c-spine (headaches), vision worse, fatigue worse, depr. worse. Pdoc asked if I stopped. I'd called a week earlier re: this, so obviously no, as he doesn't return my calls anymore. Anyway pdoc said 'stop it' and then came 'the waiting game', where I look to him for a suggestion and explanation. Suggested Pristiq(sp?). (Oh no, think. From what had heard, this is a sorta' offshoot of an SSRI.)

Where has 'right' gone anyway? Did I leave at some appt a fews years ago? Is it because I'm w/o $ after 30+ yrs work? Prob' both and more.

I've grown tired of 'arguing for' relief. They spot it, know it. They know any bone will do.

So, 20m up until another 30days.

Oh. The bone was 'Risperidone'. Like a trained dog, I took it and brought it home.

They get all that money w/o doing anything.

I should have told the psychologist 'I'm not here to ask you about medications and pls don't speak about them until we know one another better, and then only if you feel the need to do so.

Yes, someone slap me.

I missed two practitioners actions. One, I KNOW, psychologists are prob' always asked about meds, .. so for their sake, they prob' foresee this in all and just make mention of one to get that usual mistake, they don't get into it; but, just throw a small bone in there so a new pt will take some comfort in their knowledge. I KNEW THIS, DANG IT! DID I LOOK THIS 'SMALL'? I GUESS I DID! Then, I took it straight to my pdoc, and he prob' thought 'oh good, someone gave her a bone; easy out.

Risperidone 25mg.

I DESERVE a lobotomy!

I've been having bad thoughts all day. Could be med, no med, or maybe I'm just bored to tears at how inanimate have become. The inroad to my heart is less traveled than ever before. I'm needy and it's because I'm still ill. Fear will give up fight. This is as an honest as I can be at this realization. I didn't mean to be weak or naive. Strength and ego gone.

Promise will keep in touch re: med. Yep; an AP. My head is beginning to hurt.

Tks 10h, all, best





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