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Fear of Risperdal, despite Benefit

Posted by poetSeekingSatori21 on October 12, 2008, at 4:35:29

Hi All! I'm new on this board so,below you will see my brief general question. Beneath that, I I'll explain my background briefly for those who are interested, so that my conntinued posts make coherant sense.

I had friends over tonight, after having slept all day because I took my sleeping pills at 5 a.m. last night. On a whim, I decided to have old friends over, that stayed for a few hours. During that time, I smoked a couple of bowls of marijuana with them and drank approximatly 4 glasses of wine. It has been awhile since I smoked that much and my thoughts began to take on distinctly "psychotic" tone. I decided to take 1 mg. of left-over Respiridone and, within a couple of hours I seem to have been restored not only to a "sane" state, but to one that feels arguably more "sane" and comfortable then I did before smoking.
About a month ago, I was prescirbed Risperdone, 1 mg. / night in addition to my normal regime of 40 mg. Prozac /daily, 70 mg. Vyvanse /daily and 50 mg. Trazadone before bed. However I took 2 doses and then stopped, with the permission of my pdoc, because I have so much trouble making peace with the concept of being on an anti-pyschotic.

Is it possible that ONE dose would restore me back to my "old self" so quickly, or does it seem more likely that I am experiencing a placebo effect? I can remember that the two past times I took it, I had a similar response, but I feel that the drug is so heavy that any memories I formed in the past after taking it, are not trustworthy.

I appreciate any input. Thanks!

My Background:

I was adopted at nine months, and brought up in Connecticut. I was raised in a very affluent family and town, but was still unfortunatly, subjected regular abuse. I am now 21 years old, and while affluent again, am financially fully dependant on my abuser. I am a full time college student at a fairly exclusive University in Boston, MA. I was first diagnosed with generalized anxiety in middle school, at the onset of obsessive hyperchondria and recurrent night-time panic attacks. Those dissapaited, and in there place I developed a diagnosed obsessive compulsive disorder. I refused to take medication, as part of my phobic/ obsessional pattern included a fear of contamination by chemicals. I finally gave in and went on Zoloft in high school, during which time I fully recovered from the anxiety and O.C.D. (and luckily, have not yet had any recurrance of either)but also became suicidally depressed in it's place. By the end of High School, I had become a self-destructive histrionic/borderline of sorts, and attempted a suicide as well as developed a substance abuse problem quite dramatically in the summer after my graduation. I have since been hospitilized for both relapses into drug use and co-exisiting suicide attempts three times since. Currently I am am diagnosed with refractory depression and A.D.D., and have a poly-susbtance abuse disorder record. I also possibly have either a borderline and/or histrioinic or anti-social personality disorder diagnoses and a cyclothymia diagnoses currently. I take 40 mg. of Prozac, 70 mg. Vyvansne and 50 mg. of Trazadone.




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