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Re: No can do

Posted by Kat26 on September 16, 2007, at 10:26:53

In reply to Re: No can do, posted by rearview111 on September 12, 2007, at 23:39:27

Dear Rearview, you have soooooo much on your plate. And then the person you love not coming home to you, that probably was the straw that broke the camels back? It sounds like you are barely holding on. Please do keep holding on though. Try to let go of the scary thoughts, all the mess... try to live JUST NOW. You can always make it through another minute. Right where you are right now (sitting in front of a computer, reading this?) you can be at peace. Right at this moment.

> it never ends. never, ever ends.

That is not true. Is absloutely really not true.
But: It can FEEL like this.
That is why depression can be so dangerous!!

> he turns your children against you, he turns
> the financial mess he made into your problem,
> he only lies when he opens his mouth, after 2
> years of separation he is still fighting the
> divorce

That is sad. And difficult. Too much to even think about all at once. really, too much on your plate. Need to put some back for now so you can digest things slowly. And some of these things - well, it sounds like most of these things!! - are all about him, not you.

> i went back to school but with the problems
> that keep slapping me in the face, i see no
> hope.

There IS hope. Hope cannot die. It can hide, yes, but not die.
It sounds like going back to school was something you really wanted to do for yourself. Something to put some goals/purpose/structure into your life. Try to stick with it (but without stressing yourself out. And, of course, since I don't know you at all, this is only assuming that it is something that is good for you!!)

> why live? why live when, if it is a good year, > i might be lucky and have 20 out of 365 days
> that could be called good

:-( That is not much. But you are talking frome xperience of the past, and the past DOES NOT predict the future.

> i have a few friends but they can't make the
> problems go away.

No. But I am very glad you have them.

> i was a stay at home soccer mom, a meals on
> wheels volunteer, a school volunteer, a t-ball > coach. i gave and gave and gave.

(((((((HUGS)))))) You must eb a wonderful person.

> And now there is nothing left.

YOU are left. And all the good memories - they don't get erased by what happened after. And all the good you did for other people. Just think about it. You mayy have changed lives that you aren't aware of!! :-)

> I have a health problem, it needs a biopsy.
> why bother?

Because you are important!!!

> my time is over, i've done my job, now let me > go Lord. Please.

We never know when our time has come.
There are times in life when it feels like we would rather not go on, but mostly that is because the pain is just so strong... the lowest points of ourlives... the curve of our lives going down down down... reaching the lowest point... but then it will go up again. I wrote a poem once that had the verse in it: "If only you could have lived to see this, if only you could have waited a little longer."
Light may be just around the corner.

> i have no more strength left.

You need to rest. Be really easy on yourself. Strength is not something that can't come back.

Please hold on.
(((((HUGS))))))) and sending a prayer your way...





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