Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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I'm the person having thought of suicide

Posted by RN320 on August 20, 2006, at 18:08:34

In reply to Re: Everyone having bad thoughts needs to read THI, posted by finelinebob on August 18, 2006, at 2:07:01

I want to thank you for concern and for trying to give me options to want to live. I've spent days now thinking about each and everyone of those and am still drawing a blank. I haven't been able to talk to my friends about this. My friends are highly educated in the academic field as am I and just don't get how I can find myself in this situation. One of my friends has offered her support and offered to be with me when I do it so that I won't be a lone- which I know is hard to do . Another friend of mine offered to make sure that my cats are taken care of. I can't in all good conscience take the house off of my Mom's name, etc as it would mke such a mess for her.

I used to be a productive member of meant a lot to me, and there's where I met most of my friends. Alot of my friends cannot conceive that I would end up with treatment resistant depression and many have just quit talking to me, which hurts. I know that it's their problem not mine, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I've lost the majority of my family in the past 4 years and my very best friend from lung CA a year ago. We were best friends for almost 25 years and I cannot seem to get over the grief. My therapist is trying to help me with all of this loss, but we just had ANOTHER death in my family a week ago. In addition to that I was informed by Social Seccurity that my Prescription Drug provider Humana, has refunded all of my premiums since January and has also "dis-enrolled" me from their drug plan. That brought on major tears because I would have to pay over $2000 a month. I didn't think that they could do that legally. My docs and congressmen are working on this because they say that they can't do this. And the piece de resistance was that I fell down my stairs- al 11 of them flat on my face this week and was hospitalized in ICU for over a day with a massive concussion. I'm still not feeling right. It just seems like there are so many signs out there that indicate that I shouldn't be here taking up space on earth. There are certainly more deserving people than me. I'm not sure exatly what I did to deserve this perpetual black cloud that seems to be hanging around, but ever day I feel like I am closer and closer. I've noticed since the head injury that my mood is particularily bad.
Thanks again to you all. It has been nice to talk to someone who has been in the same position. I wish I was in the condition to return the favor. Best to you all. Sincerely, M




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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:RN320 thread:677469