Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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I don't want to go to the hospital...

Posted by blueberry on May 22, 2006, at 17:58:02

But I feel like it is getting real close. I never ever imagined things could get so out of control.

The problem is that I am having major problems just getting started on any kind of medication, let alone therapeutic doses.

On a 1 - 10 scale, where 8=severely depressed; 9=lost all hope, crying, despair; 10=suicide or hospital...I bounce back and forth between 8 and 10. Recent days have been 9 or 10.

Tried to restart faithful prozac. It shot me from a 7 to a 10 in 48 hours. After a week of wash out, lexapro did the same thing. Both drugs also made me feel "insane" when I woke each morning. Very distressing. My doctors said it is anxiety not insanity.

Did restart zyprexa at 2.5mg, was on 5mg for years. It has helped very slightly, and other problems have cropped up. I wake in the morning with a subtle tremor or quiver that is in my entire body, kind of like if I was laying on a vibrating bed. My hands shake and my thumbs twitch like parkinsons. I'm stuck though, because when I went off zyprexa last time it was absolute horror. I had hoped it would help me gain back some much needed weight, and it hasn't. I'm 6' tall, used to weigh 142 lbs, and now weight 130 lbs. The only zyprexa benefit is I sleep good and my loud ears have quieted down to a tolerable level.

I'm scared to death to take any meds because of the frightful things that have happened, and yet I'm scared to death not to. My GP gave up on me as I am way over his head. My NP who specializes in psychiatry told me today there isn't any more she can do if I don't do what she says (take 10mg zyprexa, 1000mg depakote, and 30mg cymbalta, and as much xanax or klono as I want). I told her I can do that, but not on my own. I need to be in a controlled environment. I'm seeing a new psychiatrist in a few days, but it is an initial consultation and I doubt he is going to be able to do anything right off the bat, since he doesn't know me and one hour is not enough time for him to get to know all that is happening.

Anyway, I have no idea what the hospitals here are like. But I'm getting the gut feeling that unless something breaks in my favor real fast, I'm going to find out.




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