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Re: Please be civil Devastated Mother

Posted by simon levane on February 17, 2006, at 10:30:58

In reply to Re: Please be civil, posted by Devastated Mother on February 17, 2006, at 3:00:26

To All... It is no wonder that there is a high passion here. In truth, those who have not experienced the loss of a child to suicide -- if you have children, THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS THAT YOU ARE NOT AMONG US .... Some parents have actually killed themselves as the final result of this loss.
when we such as DM and myself hear of these notions that we should have researched the drugs, or whatever expression was noted, it wounds us because in the case of DM, there is no way she could have known unless the family doctor had informed her and her family, and in my case, I had the naive belief that no one would prescribe a drug to my daughter that had this high risk without advising me.. and hearing the family doctor had said OK to the pharmacist,, neither of which explained the risk factors to me, nor did the consulting psychiatrist. How could a parent imagine that a drug had such risk?
I would now read every drug prescribed, but in my lifetime, people trusted physicians to do the right thing,, and we never would have imagined that a doctor would prescribe something harmful.
I had the mistaken notion that if three or four different doctors OK'd a drug, how could so many doctors be mistaken.. I have since realized that this happens, and it is because of poor doctor awareness of drug effects and because of their failure to sometimes look at overall medical histories or to share these adequately with other doctors. There is also a tendency for some doctors to simply "get rid" of difficult psychiatric patients without real concern for their future. I have seen this too.. It takes them off the hook but it does not serve the patient. There are appropriate ways for doctors to disengage while offering patients and family members directions for help.
I have paid for my mistake in pain that I would not want to wish on anyone. It never goes away.It is under the surface.. The guilt sometimes eats me up inside. I wish I had died the day my daughter had died. It would have been a whole lot easier.
The issue of the anti-depressants is about reasonable practices of medical care... There is enough literature to show that doctors over-prescribe and for some medications (Ritalin for example), it is altogether too easy for them to just prescribe the pill without consideration of the potential effects or impact. When I read DM's other child getting prescribed Effexor .. WOW.. it is so terrifying and nauseating as to make me want to throw up.. With all the info, this doctor could just say "oh, take this, it will make you feel better... " when the pain and the sadness is there for a reason, and managing this takes a real struggle and help, and compassion and understanding, NOT a drug to make one feel "better" by screwing up brain chemistry.
I would not argue against medication to help people when prescribed with care and with understanding of risks and of the bigger picture, but too often this does not happen..
That is what DM and I are talking about here.
If there is some passion here.. it was not bad language, but the frustration felt when there is either misunderstanding or a lack of understanding of what it really means to suffer the devastation of loss of a family member, and especially of a child when it was PREVENTIBLE....
I am now stuck with all the errors I made with my daughter, many of which happened as a result of her illness and the fact that it was never explained to me properly, and I struggled with her behaviours as she struggled with her life.
I have no doubt whatsoever from what I have read, that the drugs had a major contribution to her death, and most likely, the drugs are what killed her.

> gardengirl,
> Fair enough. My intent was not to be uncivil. I will try to be more cautious in the way I express myself. Or leave the site, which may be a better way to go at some point.
> While I understand that people think that everyone should be well informed on drugs, the fact is that everyone is not. We all trust our doctors to some extent, and in this case trust was the farthest thing from what we should have done. We had no idea that the drug our son was taking could cause suicide, and I suppose we should have known. So it is our fault. OK.
> Perhaps I should share with you exactly how I found out about the danger of the drug. Another of my children lived in the same city as the one who died, and in the face of anxiety and pain over the loss of his dear brother, went to the same doctor for help. He had no history of depression, and in fact was not suffering from the same issues his brother had. He had simply had a great trauma in his life -- he had lost his brother. This doctor prescribed the same lovely effexor for him as well. When I was told this by my son, I questioned him about it, learned the name of the drug, went on the internet and read to my horror the side effects of the drug. The black box was right there for all to see, had we known to look. So I spoke with my other son, and convinced him to go back to the doctor and question the prescription. Her response to him was that this drug would take care of the symptoms. So, I begged my son to stop taking the drug and he did, after a great deal of cajoling on my part. Oh, and after a bizarre episode which was so out of character for him that it could only have been caused by the drug, which in part led to his losing his job. Of course, he then would not go to any doctor for help in his pain over the loss of his brother, so we are dealing with it alone. He is fine, no thanks to this doctor.
> So, there you have it. The education of DM. Who trusted a doctor and for trusting that doctor, lost a son.
> > > If you think your ridiculous words are helping anyone, you are seriously mistaken. ...>
> > > Can you understand this? Are we not being clear? Or is your soapbox too high?
> > >
> >
> > I realize this is a sensitive topic and that emotions can run high, but please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
> >
> > If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
> >
> >
> >
> > Follow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should be directed to Admin and should of course themselves be civil.
> >
> > Regards,
> > gg acting as deputy for Dr. Bob
> >




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