Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Doctor role muddle

Posted by Tanya K on July 17, 2004, at 8:52:52

I'm in a strange situation.
I was dx with cancer 4 yrs ago,I was a pharma rep at the time,my company still pay me but never let me go back to work after my prolonged bout of treatment.
Two years ago I moved house,I knew my new doctor through my previous work,she's helped me thru countless operations now.
I have this funny obsession about her,been trying to understand it ,its not sexual,I just want to be friends with her.
Our consultations have been more like two[heterosexual]girlfriends getting onto subjects like fashion,travelling etc,we have many mutual friends.

When I was told my cancer had spread last year she seemed to fall to bits,one minute she was wonderful,the next she was awful to me,she said some rotten things,it was as if she could not handle my distress.We both know I'm dying but at the moment I'm pretty active.
We came to blow up point,me very calm,her very defensive.I went to see her taking a sensible friend.My GP said she didn't want to lose me as a patient.We set up regular appointments to meet to discuss any issues I have.It was clear she knew she had let me down,I didn't really want to stay in the GP/patient relationship with her but knew she'd be hurt if I changed docs.
Since then my trust has slowly returned,but my sanity at the time seemed to depend on her.
I now take a mutual friend when I go to see her,in amongst my very dreadful issues we all have a laugh together.My GP often asks what we have been up to,listens,then sighs and says she would have loved to have been there with us.Our mutual friend is unsure if we should ask my GP along on our jaunts,my friend is a GP too.We wonder if we are crossing some boundary somewhere.
Is this transference do you think?There must be a mother/child aspect to it,but it feels more like my GP and I were destined to become good friends,we just like each other a lot,if I'd remained as a healthy pharma rep would we now be spending ages blabbing on the phone like best friends?Instead I am her patient.She has said she finds the fact that she knew me before muddling.
Our boundaries are so blurred,I write for a GP magazine she reads,we share cleaning ladies and friends.
My GP admitted she couldn't handle the fact that I was sick.She's doing her very best for me,I know that,she's not perfect but her best is enough for me.
At times it seems to me that only she can fix my head and tell me its ok.
Our sessions always run way over time.
I see a psychologist too,my psychologist felt last year that my relationship with my GP was worth saving,and it was normal for us to get on so well,don't think my psychologist knows the depth of my feeling for my GP.
Can anyone work this out for me?
I'm single and on my own now,I have heaps of very close friends tho and a great social life
love Tanya xxxx




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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

poster:Tanya K thread:367098