Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Misery loves company

Posted by seanwrx on March 31, 2004, at 22:46:38

I am male, age 28 and have beeing dealing with anxiety/depression for about 5 years (with medication). Growing up I was always an anxious child, usually manifesting itself as IBS - this lasted most of my childhood. However, I never really understood it till now, and although it was a drag, and stopped me from doing alot of things it never ruined my life. For all practical purposes I was happy and enjoyed things. Looking back I was a relatively normal kid, probably a litte more senstitive then most, with dreams about life, etc.

My anxiety, which by high school basically manifested itself as IBS in the mornings ( I was 'fine' otherwise), became a concern for me as I headed off to college.

I ended up doing well at school and towards the end of college the IBS symptoms became very minor, almost non-existant really. Unfortunetly that is where constant anxiety and depression starting happening.

I had constant headaches in my early twenties (I have never really had a headache in the past)and that prompted Dr. visits, MRI's, ear-nose-throat Docs, etc...ultimetly my PD declared I was depressed/anxious. The tension headaches being a result of the depression and axneity (I was quite frustrated and obsessed with the headaches and fatigue - very, very, depressed about it really).

Anyway, I have gone through the gamut of different medications and haven't really found anything that works for me. I just came off a 6 month stint of Remeron and didn't fare too well. I was tired, it didn't help with my 'anxiety' and I was putting on weight. Over the past two years I have had Klonopin as my ace in the hole but rarely used it. Coming off of the Remeron I starting using it more frequently, but today I had to leave work because I felt like sh*t...and that was using the Klonopin, which scares me that my Ace is actually a 2 of clubs...

In the past, I have tried:

To be fair, some probably didn't get the full 4-8 weeks to work, but I usually toughed it out for a month or more and usually six months (or longer) on some.

Anymore I don't know if I have depression or anxiety or both. Throughout these past 5 years quite a few things have stayed steady, despite the medication. I know that my confidence is shot and I have a 'sick' feeling almost everyday - whether it be fatigue or headache or dizziness or a combo of any three. I have had 'panic' attacks just a few times. Once a year maybe. I pretty much have an anxious/nervous feeling 24-7 but its more of a bewilderment or spacey feeling with a desire to just get away from where ever I am at. My heart doesn't race, beads of sweat don't roll down my forehead, I don't think I am having a heart-attack, no palpatations, etc. Coffee (I don't drink soda)actually tends to bring some lucidity to my usually foggy brain. My sypmtoms all are very low key to an outside person, but inside it just drives me crazy with greif, frustration and self pity. I have sucicial thoughts quite often, not with the notion that the world would be better off without me, but to end my suffering. I really can't imagine going on like this. Other then getting through school and landing a decent job I don't have much else in my life. I am more or less consumed by my 'illness'.

I think I did best on a combination of Prozac and klonopin as needed. This was two years ago after a 'breakdown' after a breakup with a girlfriend. I started exercising, doing yoga, being almost religious about my diet. Unfortunetly after I started to feel better I started going out more and more and got caught up in all the wrong things again (smoking, drinking, etc). I have quit smoking again, today was the last maybe that is something to cheer about.

Anyway, I enjoy reading all the other posts and I think that people really help each other out. If anyone has any tips for me I would appreciate it. My only words of advice are to give your friends and family a copy of William Styron's Darkness Visible...I found that best explains to the lay person what its like.




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