Posted by reluctant on January 5, 2004, at 20:32:47
In reply to A Really black day , posted by Cajunbelle on January 5, 2004, at 15:59:28
Cajunbelle -
well, you're right - you *don't* have any control over anything beyond yourself, really. I know that's obvious & doesn't sound too encouraging, but think about it - it's very sad about your son, and also about your therapist, but it is entirely beyond your control. The most you can do is offer support to your son and to your therapist's decision to retire - and so, since you know there's nothing you can do to change the situation, you're free to let go of the urge to change things. This line of thinking turns up a lot in zen buddhisim.
I know when I'm freaking out about things, I feel like I *can't* stop freaking out because - god forbid - if I should stop worrying, then my mental effort towards the situation would cease and . . . here my line of illogic gets a little fuzzy but I think some part of me believes that things will get worse if I stop putting out mental effort in the form of freaking out over things. my, but we are silly humans, aren't we? fortunately, it does help to laugh kindly at our silliness.
This is not to make light of your feelings - it sounds like you're going through a lot, and I don't think anything I've said here could make these experiences feel a whole lot better. I just don't want you to add the burden of feeling responsible for things that aren't you . . .
-r.
poster:reluctant
thread:296823
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040105/msgs/296915.html