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Re: Oh you guys.... CherC68

Posted by zinya on July 24, 2003, at 14:31:50

In reply to Re: Oh you guys.... KimberlyDi, posted by CherC68 on July 24, 2003, at 12:10:09

Just one comment for now, Cher (!?!? am i *capable* of "just one comment"???? hmm, we'll see):

I hear your last statement here and your concern about not crying more about your Dad as being that voice of "should" that i just wrote about, letting yourself critique or question or punish or shame yourself for in this case *not* reacting the way you think you *should*.

The ways and means of our emotions are not "should-able" i think... I too have had times when i would think i "should" be crying and wasn't ... and then suddenly, 3 weeks later one day, i'd look at the kitchen counter in a funny angle, think of the person in question and collapse on the floor in sobs, totally 'out of left field' it seemed. (Kind of reminds me of the shower scene in The Big Chill when what's-her-name belatedly collapses in sobs over their friend's suicide.)

I do think your 'analysis' is probably right - that part of you is protecting yourself now, not wanting to believe it could be true (which at this point is wise, why be pessimistic?) ... Plus your emotions have already been through the wringer this week and you could be 'sobbed out'. But mostly i think it's helpful, if possible, not to do a number on yourself thinking you 'should' be reacting any differently than you are.

Think of how silly it is the way people misjudge others: Ever hear someone point to a person smiling and say "See? He's happy?" when a smile is often a sign of nervous anxiety that is just the opposite of what it looks. Emotions manifest in every situation for every person uniquely and we (as a society) do ourselves NO favor when we think any one sign of emotion should be 'code' for any one feeling. You can cry when you're happy and smile when you're sad. There's no formula.

(okay, sorry, soapbox over)


sending you huge hugs and feeling between the lines a certain 'solidness' in your 'voice' today that makes me happy to hear, if i'm not mistaken. And having your men back is surely such comfort and part of it...

Keep us informed about your dad. I will keep my fingers crossed. When will he get the biopsy? I've had to have breast biopsies twice - aaargh. No fun. I hope his kind isn't as painful - they probably give him anesthesia right?

hugs and love,




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