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Effects of a father's suicide - from a daughter

Posted by waterlily on June 4, 2003, at 8:36:11

In reply to this is the end, beautiful friends, posted by wharfrat on June 3, 2003, at 21:24:51

Hey, I hope I'm not too late. First off, if your son is not what you'd like him to be, don't write yourself off because of it. Parenthood is a tremendous responsibility, but don't kid yourself into thinking that you are the ONLY influence, bad or otherwise, in your child's life. Some kids with wonderful parents turn out badly and vice-versa.

My dad committed suicide when I was fourteen years old. That was twenty years ago. Not a day goes by that I don't wish he was still here. My dad was not a super nice guy either. He was an alcoholic, yelled at us a lot, went into debt buying nice stuff for himself, and was a general pain in my butt for a long time. Despite all that I still wish he were here. Why? Because he's my DAD. No one else in the world can say that. I'm sure he thought he was doing us all a favor by killing himself. I don't think he did. None of us was ready to give up on him. Two months before his death he turned into the father I've always wanted. I'm kicking myself for turning down his invitation to have dinner with him on my birthday that year, less than a month before his death.

If you kill yourself you will be doing it more for yourself than your family. After all, in order to be out of your family's life all you have to do is move out. That would give them the option of contacting you and asking you to come back. When you kill yourself you do not give them that choice. Suicide will end your suffering, but only make theirs worse.




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