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Re: I thought I was getting better?? pork chop

Posted by fluffy on April 4, 2003, at 13:47:44

In reply to I thought I was getting better?? pork chop, posted by Dr. Bob on April 3, 2003, at 20:04:14

Crap!!
I just wrote a long, heartfelt letter to you, and I think I didn't post it correctly!!!! POOOP!!

Anyway-
I'm going to try to recreate it...

Dear Porkchop-

Boy do I ever know what you are going through. I have also gotten into some trouble with a capital "T" this past week. I've been argumentative, talkative (too much), spending money, can't sleep. I'm totally worried that my (also new) boyfriend will get tired of me and throw me to the curb. He seems to be understanding, BUT everyone has their limits, ya know?

I think that doctors don't tell their patients enough, that even though meds make things better, sometimes you still have "episodes". I thought that when I started them that POOF! all my simptoms would magically disappear. Wouldn't that be nice? After having a couple of friends blessed with the same brain chemistry, I can tell you that it doesn't work that way.

Have you ever read "An Unquiet Mind"? I found it to be an extremely useful/honest book. It was surprising to me that even though Kay Jamison is on Lithium, she still has mild episodes of mania and depression. As surprising as it was to me, I also found it to be comforting, because it was HONEST!

I try to take comfort in the fact that even though I'm on meds, I may still be mercurial. Some people call it "passionate". I am lucky enough to have friends that put up with it, and maybe even like it. My boyfriend said to me one time, "did you ever think that maybe I need you to feel normal?" First, I was thinking--what? that's even sicker than me! But an example of how BP folks are probably harder on themselves than others.

Give yourself a break! Do what you can do, and try upping your meds if it helps. I like to pretend I'm surfing a wave when I feel like I'm cycling. It sucks, but it always comes back around to more "normal" moods.
Hang in there!! Keep in touch!

Katy


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