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Re: Help - yet another thread on Lamictal dosing. Cindylou

Posted by Emme on May 6, 2002, at 7:43:10

In reply to Re: Help - yet another thread on Lamictal dosing. Emme, posted by Cindylou on May 3, 2002, at 7:18:10

Hi Cindy,

> I feel for you so much ... and I'm sorry to hear about the job disappointment.

Thanks for the kind thoughts. They are much appreciated. I've been more devastated than I even expected. The mood drop for a couple of days afterwards was so precipitous as to be alarming. And this even with an aresenal of medication. And I feel sure that had I gotten this job, I could have done it well. I had already been formulating new ideas for it and all. I think the circumstances of the place would've helped me stabilize.

> I really, really know what you're talking about here ... it's like, we all have a disability, but it's not recognized by the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Isn't it though? I thought it was, at least under certain situations. I seem to recall reading about when/how it applied, reasonable accommodations and all that, as it applied to mental illness. I just can't remember where (damn memory's shot). Others here may know more about how ADA relates or doesn't relate to mood disorders. I should know more about all this. I
agree with the "no
t recognized part" though. Unless you choose (carefully) to disclose your illness, it's invisible and you just don't get a break for why you're tired/spacy/whatever.

> I am constantly feeling like I just can't measure up -- at work, and now at home (I stay home with my toddler.) I can't keep the house clean, I'm usually too tired to make dinner, blah blah.

I am sorry your daily work is so hard for you. I know the feeling. Well, not the toddler part. But the fatigue really gets to me. For me it's really become an unacceptable medication side effect, whereas I accepted it more easily a few years ago. I've just lost too much time to tiredness. Tiredness from the depression itself is bad enough. I'll bet you're doing a great job giving your child love. If the house is not run as well as you'd like, well, you know, the dirt always comes back anyway. ;)

> And I feel the same way you do about medication. Way back when, when my depression first started... Now, NOTHING HELPS.

Heh, yeah, I remember this stupendously great feeling when Wellbutrin + Serzone kicked in for me. It was turning on a switch. Lamictal has been the closest thing to that for me, at least it was for a while. It's been much harder to get a response from medication as time goes on.

Although I've gotten at least some relief from various things, I'm so darn sensitive to side effects and either it's my imagination or I've gotten more sensitive with time. Maybe we've just moved on to trying drugs with greater side effect profiles.

> I don't know how much of it is due to my body chemistry changing, from being on meds all these years and from having a baby,

It's definitely a lot to put your body through. I can't help but wonder the same thing. Or has the course of my illness just gotten tougher? Or have the environmental stresses and consequences of my illness gotten tougher to deal with? I think ideally good medication should give us more of a buffer to help us cope with stresses. I'd like more of a buffer.

> (my husband lost his job a few months ago and we are probably going to be moving out of state -- I have crumbled considerably from this crisis.)

Oh, that is rotten. I am so sorry. I sympathize. I get totally traumatized by moving. I do hope something good comes through for you and your husband.

> I know I'm not being much support here for you!

Believe me, you are. And keep posting on how things are going for you.

> the "cocktail" that will allow us to function as we should.

Kinda like looking for the Holy Grail. My doctor is relentlessly optimistic that I'll get better and reclaim a good life. Every time I think I'm out of options, she has another idea. Which is great, but I am sick of trying things. I think the word "cocktail" is a bizarre one here. Makes it sound like a lawn party. :) Anyway, I wish a good "cocktail" for you. Any new thoughts on what you want to be taking?

Take care,




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