Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Almost finished.

Posted by bob on January 1, 2002, at 22:48:12

Happy New Year!

Well, it's been 10 years of medecine hell now for me, with exposure to more than 24 psychotropics. Nothing has truly worked. I guess I should qualify that: some meds have alleviated certain problems I have such as anxiety, or relieved depression for a short time. In the end however, everything becomes unmanageable. Side effects of the drugs - weakness, sedation, etc, as well as a lack of effectiveness in certain cases has led to an inability to hold down a job anymore. I am contemplating resigning from my job this week. It is just too hard to keep going on like this. This means I will lose everything - my health insurance, my income, and many social contacts. I am not sure I want to continue on in that situation, but I don't know what choice I have anymore; I simply cannot work. These med trials have taken too much out of me. I have no idea what I'll do when I resign. I can hardly do things now. I don't even know how to go about getting social security, or things like that. Sometimes I wonder whether it wouldn't be better for me to suck it up and do the deed. My family is getting torn apart by this disease I have, and I feel responsible. I have no desire to see my family collapse because of me. I really don't understand the point of going on with such a compromised lifestyle: i.e., not being able to work, being extremely unhealthy (overweight and inactive), not being able to perform any kind of sexual activity, sleeping all the time, and putting up with drug induced apathy.

It's really odd, but I think I'd rather be dead, than live another 30 or more years on these meds -- even if they made me mentally sound but I was 50lbs overweight and a bona fide mind-numbed eunuch. It's an unacceptable compromise to me.

Sorry to be spreading doom and gloom, but I'm somewhat desperate at this point.





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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

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