Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Re: Still so blue

Posted by Alii on February 27, 2001, at 12:01:43

In reply to Re: Still so blue, posted by SalArmy4me on February 25, 2001, at 0:17:42

I had to save this since the site was down when I tried to submit at 2 a.m. ish Pacific time. Little sleep. Lotsa crying. Feeling ill but now another successive day of actually not getting ill is another glimmer of hope. I feel like a walking zombie however the day outside is sunny and gorgeous. Beach weather. That is my one and only goal today. Forget calling people, dealing with the crap, packing, crying. I'm hittin' the sand and soakin' up some sun. (I say this confidently now as the Wb is kickin' in and my anxiety/dread hasn't descended upon me swiftly and suddenly as it has been each afternoon) I still fight my sense of lack of control about my moods/emotions. I'm starting to ramble. I'm going to strike while the iron is hot and use this buzzy Wb energy to boogie on down the hill to the beach. I do see better moments in the time from Feb. 10th to now (my time back on medications after two of three weeks of cold turkey quitting) I would like to be able to find a way to get through these wicked side effects. --A tired rambling Alii

> >What have you tried before?

Prozac--over the course of taking that I tried it with Trazadone and temazepam for sleep was necessary for the first two months. Then onto Paxil. Zoloft hell next. Serezone. Remeron. Two years ago I started reg. Wb eventually moving to the sustained release formula. It was brutal on my system starting it but leveled out and I felt better than I had in years. More energy could work and do things. Last summer early fall I began feeling really jittery at my 400 mg/ 2x150 a.m. and 100 p.m. dose so I worked down to 300 mg/day. Each time I adjusted the med I got the nasty nausea and sick stomach like I had when I began oh so long ago.

I've been out of town for a couple days since the house situation is unpleasant. I am trying something new this depressive 'episode'--episodes are television shows, I think of this life-force draining black hole as a foe to do battle with--I am accepting the help of others when offered. I am quite humbled by the generous offers of people when I explain my situation of deeply debilitating depression, end of a 5 yr relationship, and loss of job all within two weeks of one another. I was having a difficult night Saturday so I called a friend and asked if I could come stay over there. I stayed two nights and had a nice time on Sunday visiting with my former dotcom cohorts. I played with a pal's two year old in our friend's back yard. First warmish day after a lot of rain here, I was involving myself in something besides this deep dark funk and I got to run around with the overwhelming energy of a growing loud very much alive two year old. That is some magic that can cut through the darkness. True gem that little tyke. It was good for me to escape my lack of movement and go out and 'do' things.

It's late where I'm typing this. I am finally feeling sleepy and must go with that, even if I'll be awake in an hour and a half. I've woken up at 3:30 a.m. for the past two weeks straight (perhaps I've had one night of solid sleep, dunno, the wellbutrin brain fog is creeping in already)


If you have any helpful questions please ask! I am reaching out this time so I can put these pieces together and feel alive again. Thanks.




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