Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Letter to my doc. How sane is my insanity?

Posted by pullmarine on October 17, 2000, at 23:14:46

As you may well guess. I am not at all happy about our last session (to say the least). To begin with, I think your callous attitude had far more to do with my choice to cease taking medications than with issues that truly matter. and though I will agree that I am in pain, I prefer and choose this pain and anger over a brain that ceases part of it's natural thinking processes.

You were offended, and I doubly so. During the session, you compared me with Harold from the film 'Harold and Maude.' If you had met me a few years ago, then you might have met Maude. Spontaneous, loving, generous, caring, vivacious, and most of all, trusting. but she was gang raped and murdered and left along the side off the road, and what you see is all that's left. So be it.

Am I angry? You bet I'm angry.

I'm angry that my body was pumped full of Haldol during my sleep, without my consent or approval at the hospital where I checked in voluntarily, by a doctor who did not speak to me before pumping my system full of that stuff.

I'm angry that I was not informed of the side effects after it was administered

I'm angry that my therapist showed videos of my therapy sessions to people without
my consent. If he had asked I probably would have approved, but running into under grad. students who had seen the sessions the way I found out about it.

I'm angry that my sister and my lover did not have peaceful means of taking their own lives.

I am angry that the first had to jump fourteen floors to her death, and that the latter had to hang himself.

I'm angry that when my time comes, it will probably have to be violent as well.

I'm angry that I was taken out of the sanctity of my home, against my will, and this, despite local laws, in order to be treated against my will for a planned overdose.

I'm angry about the forced castrations, lobotomies, aversion therapies that people like me have had to go through

I'm angry that people like me were starved to death and murdered during world war two.

I am angry that I was brought up left, right and center, like some unwanted kitten.

I am angry that I was ever born.

I am angry that if I do choose to 'shuffle off this mortal coil,' that I might be hospitalized and treated against my will.

I'm angry at the hypocrisy, the double standards, and the incoherence of the world.

Yes, I do find life to be an unpleasant and painful experience, and millions of people would agree.

And for those who don't, who are they to say that it is 'nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortunes' and 'the heartache and thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to'?

I asked you during the session if you had seen or read 'A Streetcar Named Desire.' It's the story of a murder, though the victim is very much alive (in body anyway) after being killed in cold blood. A more systematically planned out murder of this type occurs in 'dangerous liaisons.' And unfortunately, murders like these are common, and there is no recourse to the law.

Now that you have some of the facts, you decide whether my pain and anger are justified or not. If they are, then so be it.


PS. If apologies were not the foundation for future offenses, I'd ask for one.




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