Psycho-Babble Medication | about biological treatments | Framed
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Posted by tina on July 16, 2000, at 18:40:58

In reply to Tired but Can't Sleep Lately-Frustrated as Hell, posted by tina on July 11, 2000, at 20:52:18

I wanna get off this ride.
I can't take this "good day then bad day then worse day" scenario anymore. My good days are soooo good and then the bad days are down and low and then, amazingly enough, there is a worse day. The frustrated, explosion of cutting, punching or screaming-like-a-banshee-in-the-back-of-the-basement-where-I-hope-the-neighbors-can't-hear-me day. They do say bad things come in three's right? On those worst days, I don't even eat. I drink tea or water all day and eat nothing. Gee, ya wonder why doc says I'm hypoglycemic.
I have no idea why i am rambling on about this sh*t. I should just smack myself out of it. I'm just so tired. I'm so tired of the meds, the docs, the tests, the tears, the ridicule, the pitty, the ups and downs, LIFE. I'm so tired of THIS life. I feel like every road I take ends in a swamp or a bottomless cavern. This mood shift happens every few days, most especially on weekends. ( Ha, Greg has good weekends and I have bad ones, ironic, tell me what your secret to good weekends is Greg) I do not fear myself or what I might do to myself though. It doesn't scare me to know that I may cut myself because I won't cut fatally. I want to Live Happy not just exist in this hell on earth that is killing me minute by minute, inch by inch anyway. I am not numb yet. I so badly want to just be numb or catatonic, to not "feel" the pain. How can I do that? I just want this "ride" to be over and to feel the ground beneath my feet again. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe it is.




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Psycho-Babble Medication | Framed

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