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To Ellen and Dove: Re: Feeling hopeless

Posted by Carolyn on February 25, 2000, at 21:28:49

In reply to Re: Feeling hopeless, posted by Noa on February 25, 2000, at 15:22:28

Ellen...I share your pain. I am not bi-polar, but uni-polar, so can't imagine what rapid cycling would be like. But I sure know what being in the hell of depression feels like. That is pretty much where I am right now, although I am trying some new meds and hang on to the hope that that will help. This depressive episode for me is somewhat different than previous ones. I mostly feel nothing...feel like doing nothing, feel like I am nothing. I avoid feelings of sadness by staying away from other people, so I do not compare myself to "normal" folks. But that only works so long.

I have a wonderfully supportive husband. Once he realized my depression was not his fault, he became my cheering section, my hand to hold on to, and a good cook, too! I know he cannot imagine what I am feeling sometimes, but he is smart enough not to try...just to hold me when I cry and reassure me that there really is hope, and that I am not a bad mother, lazy, selfish...all those things we so easily accuse ourselves of.

Dove, I thought your response was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. We all need to know that we are not alone. To be able to admit that we are scared (what if I never come back...what if these meds really mess up my mind...what if I am imagining all this...what if I'm really crazy...and on and on. God bless Dr. Bob and all those who are willing to open up and care!




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