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Re: hospitalization--thank you

Posted by Adam on October 27, 1999, at 17:52:52

In reply to Re: hospitalization--thank you, posted by allison on October 27, 1999, at 15:23:07

Hey, Allison,

I'm a little confused about a couple things, I guess...

What sort if work is it that your doctor is talking about exactly? Is he your
psychotherapist also? What style of therapy is he using? Do you find it helpful?
Do you or he have any particular goals (besides the vague "not depressed?")?

It was my therapist who suggested I try the hospital a week or two before I went in.
I often asked her what it was exactly that I would get out of that, and she never
really ansered my question except to say I could get "stabilized" there. I suppose
she was right. But it was awfully vague. I went finally not because I was feeling
suicidal (that was de rigeur), but because I was coming apart at the seams. I never
knew what to expect because nobody told me, I just had to go because I was at the
end of my rope.

If it isn't a drug change or a doctor change you are planning to get out of a hospital
stay, what is it your doctor or you would have in mind? Safety? That's a valid
enough reason. But are you thinking of actually hurting yourself, or are you just
daydreaming about it? There is a difference between real intent and ideation.

Ask about ECT. Does your doctor recommend it? For the short term, that could be very
helpful, and makes the transition to a new medication (if that is what you're looking
for) a bit easier. I found the memory loss (both retrigrade and antiretrigrade) very
disturbing, but like I said, I was in extremis. There probably wasn't any choice. Do
you have any?

I just think that unless you really don't think you can go on, you should try and
gather some specifics about what might happen once your there so you can make an in-
formed decision.

PS - One unforseen benefit of being in the hospital: After 2+ weeks I couldn't wait to
get the hell out. Definite motivator to grab the bull by the horns, so to speak.

> El, Jamie, Brandon, Phil, Dove, Adam, Bob, Niko, Noa and JohnL,
> Thank you all very, Very, VERY much for writing. Your insights and suggestions have helped a lot and I'm feeling a little better about things today.
> In general, I like my doctor. I think he is compassionate, but maybe I don't know what to look for, as he's my first (I saw an alcoholism counselor for a couple of years when my mother's alcoholism was raging and wreaking havoc). He is a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the university here, which also has a teaching hospital and its own psychiatry department. (Bob, I'm in Rochester, about 6.5 hours away from you.) He's in a practice with three or four other psychiatrists who also are professors at the university. My doctor was recommended to me by someone at the university who works in the psychiatry department and had seen him herself. I started seeing him in January of 98.
> He said just a couple of months ago that we haven't been able to do a lot of work in the last year because of all of the other things going on and the grief surrounding them. We have started work in earnest, but these stresses keep surfacing, I guess because the situations are not yet settled. Whenever I come in and life is bothering me, we talk about that first -- sometimes exclusively, which then sometimes makes me impatient because I want to be fixed.
> I guess I am reluctant to get another doctor, mostly because I've invested almost two years in this one and I was extremely reluctant even to do THAT (I didn't want to have to explain everything again, as I had to the counselor, but knew I had to do something as my husband had just stopped me from jumping off a jetty into icy Lake Ontario.)
> Maybe it's just my paranoia surfacing, but I also am afraid to go into a hospital for fear of what might happen at work. Real or imagined, I have a fear of losing my job because, as I've said, it's the only stable thing I have (although it hasn't been too stable at work, lately, either). I've never been admitted to a hospital for anything ever. My boss is understanding, as are my coworkers, but I am afraid of possible stigma. I suppose I could just take vacation time and not tell anyone.
> Not that it matters, but my dad would never understand. I mentioned once I was seeing a psychiatrist, and he didn't understand why I was even doing THAT (I'm such a level-headed girl, you know.) No worries of ever being committed by family...
> I see my doctor again tomorrow afternoon, and I will tell him everything that's been running in my head and I will ask about hospitalization.
> And I will keep you posted. Thank you all again, very much.




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